Instructor Jokes / Recent Jokes

Advice to father thinking about whether he should let his daughter continue her studies or get her married: " Vell, if you wantu study her, then study her. If you wantu marry her, then marry her. " An instructor explaining the working of pendulum: "Take an elephant of negligible weight" Instructor: "Take a copper wire of any metal... and pour any liquid solution of sulphuric acid in a round bottom flask of any shape." "Do not smoke and spoil the botany of ur body" He/she's my cousin brother/sister. "You three, both of you kneel down together separately" "Hey, please keep quiet. The president is rotating outside" "I have to put my child to sleep" " Florida paan shop. Prop: Raju. B. A, M. A. " " Don't talk bad in front of my back " Did you cut the ticket, yet? "Entry too entry otherwise disentry" The principal just passed away. Who took out the breeze of my cykill. My cykill is more...

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only. 1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early. 2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!" 3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol. 4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril. 5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking. " Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is. 6. Bring cheerleaders. 7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the more...

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking. " Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes more...

A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone
National Park. The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the fire fighters as they
battled the blaze.
When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede
or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to
rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved and arrangements were made. He
was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him.
He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and
shouted, "Let's go!'' The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in
the air.
The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some
pictures."
"Why?" more...

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas. "If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
17. Bring more...

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

Blonde Joe was a handsome young man, but definitely not the brightest guy around. Each day when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money. Finally, Joe decided it would be in his best interest to walk a different route, but it would also be wise to take some self-defense classes so this wouldn’t happen again. He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well with it. One day, on his way home from work, Joe confidently decided to take his old route home and, sure enough, there were the same three thugs. He walked up to them and the battle began. The next afternoon, Joe went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip. His instructor was shocked and asked him what had happened. “Well, ” Joe explained, “I took my old way home last night so I could beat those guys up who used to steal my money. ” “So what happened? ” asked his instructor. “They jumped me before I could get more...