Insults Jokes / Recent Jokes
The grandson called out "Grandpa, Grandpa, come here, and kick this bucket."
"Why do you want me to come and kick your bucket?" asks his grandfather.
"Well, mom said,' When you kick the bucket, I'll get a new bike!'"
Christmas Italian Style
'Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella
Not a creature was stirrin',
Cuz I had a gun unda my pilla.
When up on da roof
I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, "YO! Keep it down!"
When what to my
Wonderin' eyes should appear,
But da Don of all elfs,
And eight friggin' reindeer!
Wit' slicked back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
Don Santa wuz here,
And he brought all da loot!
Wit' a slap to dare snouts,
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem by name.
"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,
Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"
As I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me 'side da head.
"What da hell you doin'
Pullin' a gun on da Don?
Now all you're gettin' is coal,
You friggin' moron!"
Den pointin' a more...
Two sisters came home from school crying their hearts out.
"What's wrong with you both? asked the mother.
The first sister started wailing. All the kids at school ever do is make fun of my big feet."
"There, there," soothed the mother. "Your feet aren't that big." She turned her attention to the second sister. "Now why are you crying?"
"Because I've been invited to a ski party," weeped the second sister, "and I can't find my skis."
"That's okay, said the mother, "you can borrow your sister's shoes."
A man goes to Victoria Secret to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit. "This is $200," she says. "I want one that's more sheer," says he. "This one is $350." "I want it even more sheer than that." "This one is the most sheer that we have. It's $500." "I'll take it!" The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, "Go put this on and come down to model it for me." His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so see-through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not. I can take this back for a refund and he won't know the difference." So his wife comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs. "So, how do you like it?" she asks. "Damn, you'd think for $500 they'd iron the damn thing."
I'm the kind of person who laughs at a joke three times: Once it's told, once it's explained, and 5 minutes later once I get it.
You're so dumb, you put a quarter into a parking meter and said, "Hey, where's my gumball?"