Intelligence Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Annapolis computer science major was given an artificial intelligence assignment for one of his classes. He ended up creating a program where you could have a conversation with your computer based on your IQ level.

To test his program he entered 80 and had a conversation with his Soap Operas. He entered 100 and talked about politics. He entered 150 and talked about nuclear physics.

Just to see what would happen he entered a -50 and the computer bumped and belched and sparked and smoked for a good 10 minutes. When it finally settled down it displayed "On Brave Old Army Team....."

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready? What is the time?
Start.
1) Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________
2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________
3) I went to bed at eight o`clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o`clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________
4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get? ____________________
5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? ___________________
6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil more...

Santa and Banta are at work, digging a hole. Banta asks Santa other, "Why is that guy up there sitting under the tree while we do all the work?"
Santa said that he doesn't know, so he goes up and asks him why.
The guy under the tree says, "Because I have intelligence."
Santa says, "What's that?"
So the guy under the tree stands up and says, "Punch me as hard as you can."
Santa winds up and punches him, but the intelligent guy moves away and the digger punches the tree. His hand is now killing him.
Santa says, "Oh, I think I know what it is now."
He goes back down to Banta.
Banta asks, "So why are we doing all the work?"
Santa replies, "Because he has intelligence."
Banta says, "What's that."
Santa looks around for a tree, but doesn't see one, so he puts his hand in front of his face and says, "Punch my hand as hard as you can."

Q: What's the main difference between intelligence and ignorance?
A: I don't know and I don't care!

The difference between intelligence and stupidity is that intelligence
has a limit.

: Imagine if you will... the leader of the fifth invader force speaking to the commander in chief...
"They're made out of meat, Sir."
"Meat?"
"Meat. They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them
aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."
"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars."
"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from
machines."
"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."
"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."
"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."
"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These more...

Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.