Involves Jokes / Recent Jokes

You might be a reneck if...

Your idea of good fishing involves the use of a boat, a net and dynamite.

Burger King won't let you do it your way, right away.

You can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can't remember your wifes birthday, kids birthday, or anniversary.

You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can't remember how old your children are.

Your idea of going to see a play involves goal posts.

You think a computer hacker carries an axe.

You keep a chainsaw in the trunk "just in case".

You've given your gun a woman's name.

Baling wire and a pair of pliers are what you consider high tech tools.

You go to the post office to research your family tree.

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.

Programmer to Module Leader:
"This is not possible. **Impossible**. It will involve design change and no body in our team knows the design of the system. And above that nobody in our company knows the language in which this software has been written. So even if somebody wants to work on it, they can't. If you ask my personal opinion the company should never take these type of projects."
Module Leader to Project Manager:
"This project will involve design change. Currently we don't have people who have experience in this type of work. Also the language is unknown so we will have to arrange for some training if we take this project. In my personal opinion, we should avoid taking this project."
Project Manager to 1st Level Manager:
"This project involves design change in the system and we don't have much experience in that area. Also not many people are trained in this area. In my personal opinion we can take the project but we should ask for more...

Your idea of heaven involves two shotguns and a keg of beer.
You picket your horses on your lawn so you won't have to mow it.
You're wearing a camoflauge jacket and dipping in your driver's license pic.

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.
2. Blaming your farts on me.. not funny.. not funny at all.
3. Yelling at me for barking.. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!!
4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt?)
5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose.. STOP IT!!
7. Yelling at me for rubbing my ass on your carpet. Why did you buy carpet?
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered the handshake thing yet.. IDIOT!!
9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous!
10. Dog sweaters. Have you not noticed the fur?.. IMBECILE!!
11. Any haircut that involves bows and ribbons. Now you know why we chew your shit more...

1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny. .. not very funny at all!2. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur?

This year, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union Address fell on the same day. As Air America Radio pointed out, "It is an ironic juxtaposition: one involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a
creature of little intelligence for prognostication, and the other involves a groundhog."