Irishman Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, “So, you’ve been out drinking again! ”
“What makes you say that? ”
he asked, putting on an innocent look.
“The pub called - you left your wheelchair there again. more...

An Irishman goes for a job on a building site. The man says, "Can you brew tea?" The Irishman says, "Yes." "Good. Can you drive a fork lift?" The Irishman looks at him and asksy, "Why? How big is the teapot?"

An Irishman, And Englishman and a Scot are in a bar when a fly lands in each of their beers. The Englishman, disgusted, pushes the beer away and demands a new one. The Scot, picks the fly out and keeps drinking. The Irishman grabs the fly, sqeezes it, and shouts, "Spit it out you little bastard!"

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three glasses of Guiness, drinking them one at a time. Noticing this odd ritual, the bartender explains that the beer goes flat when poured and informs the man his beer would be much fresher if he ordered one glass at a time. The Irishman explains he began this custom with his two brothers, who have moved to America and Australia, respectively. This is their way of remembering all the time they spent drinking together. The man becomes a regular at the pub, well-known for always ordering three beers at once. One day he walks in and orders only two beers. Assuming the worst, a hush falls among other patrons. When more...

There was an Irishman who always wanted a Rolls Royce, fortunately he won the lottery and he decided to buy one with all this money. So he decided to go and have a drive in his new car, he was driving along the motorway and suddenly he saw a Hitchhiker, he pulled over and let the Hitchhiker get in. Half way through the journey the Hitchhiker pulled a gun out on the Irishman, he told him to get out the car, so the Irishman did. The Hitchhiker drew a circle on the floor with a piece of chalk and said
"Stand there at all times". So the Irishman did, the Hitchhiker pulled out a baseball bat and started hitting the car with it, the Irishman laughed and giggled, the Hitchhiker asked why he was laughing, complete silence. Then the Hitchhiker got angry so he started to smash the windows, the Irishman laughed and giggled again, the Hitchiker asked why he was laughing, complete silence again. This time the Hitchhiker got really angry and blew the car up, the Irishman laughed his more...

There was an Irishman, a New Zealand man and an American man standing on the roof of a building, with an awning below them.
The American said to the Irishman: "I bet I could jump off this roof, land on the awning and bounce back off." So he jumped off, hit the awning, and was soon back on the roof. "There. Now you try." he said to the Irishman.
So the Irishman jumped off, and fell SPLAT on the ground.
The New Zealander said to the American: "Jeez, Superman, you are a real jerk sometimes!"

There was an Irishman, a New Zealand man and an American man standing on the roof of a building, with an awning below them.The American said to the Irishman: "I bet I could jump off this roof, land on the awning and bounce back off." So he jumped off, hit the awning, and was soon back on the roof. "There. Now you try." he said to the Irishman.So the Irishman jumped off, and fell SPLAT on the ground.The New Zealander said to the American: "Jeez, Superman, you are a real jerk sometimes!"