Irishman Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser." "Oh really, hmm, didn't know that." Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!" "Oh really, hmm, didn't know that." Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!" The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped hi m on the shoulder and said, "I more...

There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman and they were flying in a plane. The Englishman dropped an apple, the Irishman dropped a banana peel, and the Scotsman dropped a grenade. Later, when they got off the plane, they saw a man crying so they went up to him and asked what was wrong and he said that while he was walking an apple landed on his head, so they walked on. Then they saw a man rubbing his butt, and they asked what was wrong and the man said that while he was walking he slipped on a banana peel so they walked on. Again they came up to a man but he was laughing so they asked what is so funny and he said I farted and my house blew up.

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. One of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser."
"Oh really? Hmm, didn't know that."
Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!"
"Oh really? Hmm, didn't know that."
Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!"
The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and more...

An English man, Irishman and a Scottishman are sitting in a pub full of people. The Englishman says, "The pubs in

England are the best. You can buy one drink and get a second one free".

Everyone in the pub agreed and gave a big cheer. The Scottishman says,".. yeah.

That's quite good but in Scotland you can buy one drink and get another 2 for free." Again, the crowd in the pub gave a big cheer. The Irish man says "Your two pubs are good, but they are not as good as the ones in Ireland. In Ireland you can buy one pint, get another 3 for free and then get taken into the backroom for a shag"

The English says "WOW! Did that happen to you?" and the Irishman replies "No, but it happened to my sister."

There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman stranded on an island. They see a cave up ahead.
The Englishman goes in and sees some toast on a rock. He goes over to it but then a voice comes.
"Dont eat the toast," the voice shouts.
The Englishman runs out.
The Scotsman walks in and sees the toast as well, the voice comes back.
"Don't eat the toast." The Scotsman thinks it's his imagination but then he hears it again,
"Don't eat the toast," says the voice, the Scotsman runs out.
The Irishman wondering what's going on, goes inside. He hears the voice once, thinks nothing of it. He hears the voice again, still he ignores it. He picks up the toast and eats it. The voice shouts,
"I warned you once, I warned you twice, I wiped my arse upon the slice."

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser."
"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."
Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!"
"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."
Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!"
The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder more...

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were.
The Englishman says,' 'I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge to keep it in.''
The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker.
' 'Just last week, she went out and spent $17, 000 on a new car,'' he laments,' 'and she doesn't even know how to drive!''
The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.
However, he still thinks his wife is dumber.' 'Ah, it kills me everytime I think of it,'' he chuckles.' 'My wife left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she doesn't even have a penis!''