Israeli Jokes / Recent Jokes

Fox News correspondent David Lee Miller, reporting from Gaza, was shot at by Israeli forces. Israeli Prime Minister Ehmud Olbert issued an apology for missing.

The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters.
In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes.
Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow.
His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about the scorecard from Lebanon.
He told his Syrian guest, "Take anything you want - our best tanks, rifles, or surface-to-air missiles."
"No, no - you don't understand!" the Syrian replied. "Last time you gave us surface-to-air missiles. This time we need surface-to-*jet* missiles!"

An American and an Israeli are busy bragging.
The American states, "Oh yeah, well it was the Americans that put the first man on the moon!"
The Israeli scoffs, "Big deal. Israel is working on putting the first man on the SUN!!"
The American re-scoffs, "Idiot! You can't put a man on the sun... he'll burn up!!"
The Israeli smiles winningly, "Shows how much you know... we're going at night!"

The BBC Gaza correspondent is sitting in her air conditioned hotel in the Gaza strip, sipping iced tea when her mobile phone begins to ring. She picks up the phone and hears a mysterious voice say, " comrade this is the ruling council of the military wing of Hamas and I would like to inform you that those Israeli pigs have just massacred hundreds of Palastinian women and children. "
The BBC correspondent then asks the mysterious stranger on the phone where and when this had happened but was just given the address of the small provincial hospital just inside the Israeli border where he claimed hundreds of surviving casualties had been taken earlier and informed her that all her expenses would be covered as usual.
Armed with this information she realises that she can finally prove to the world just how evil these Israeli, American Jewish lobby supported pigs really are. So she makes her way as quickly as possible across the border into Israel and to the more...

the queen one day summoned the 3 people who worshipped the strangest g-ds.an israeli came, an arab came and a hindu came.they were each asked which g-ds they worshipped.the arab said"allah"the hindu said "budda" and the israeli said "me? oh i worship the fan."

A Texan, a Frenchman and an Israeli are on a plane flying over the Pacific Ocean when the engines stop functioning. The plane crash lands on a Pacific Island and the 3 are immediately captured by a tribe of cannibals and taken to their village. The Chief tells the 3 captives that these cannibals are civilized and they have a custom on their island that before they eat anyone, they grant that person his or her last wishes, no matter what they are.
He asks the Texan, "What is your last wish?"
The Texan replies: "I want a 2 inch thick steak with all the trimmings, Cajun fries and a case of Bud." The Chief motions to some of his tribesmen who immediately run into the jungle and come back with the steak, the fries and the beer. The Texan eats his meal and he is thrown in the pot.
The Frenchman is asked: "What is your last wish?" He replies: "I'd like a case of Dom Perignon and I'd also like a big plate of escargots cooked in the French more...