Item Jokes / Recent Jokes

>A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
>A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. >
>A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. >A man never
worries about the future until he gets a wife. >
>A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
>A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
>
>To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a
little.. >To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to
understand her >at all.
>
>Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot
more >willing to die.
>
>Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two
people >remembering the same thing.
>
>Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. >Women somehow
deteriorate during the night.
>
>A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. >A man
marries a more...

The Difference...
Women have more imagination than men do. They need it to tell us how wonderful we are.
Women have their faults. Men have only two. Everything they say. Everything they do.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
The Style...
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't want.
The Workplace...
When a man gives his opinion, he's a man. When a woman gives her opinions, she's a bitch.
Women are the only exploited group in history who has been idealized into powerlessness.
Relationships...
Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs more...

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Dumb man + smart woman = affair
Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money that his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To
be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at
all.
Married men lived longer than single man, but married men are a lot more willing
to die.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, more...

One day Ms. Nelson, a kindergarden teacher, was giving a lesson on imagination. What she would do was hold an item behind her back, give a few descriptions of the item, and ask the kids to guess what it was. First she said to the children "I have something long and yellow behind my back." The kids suggested a pencil. Ms. Nelson said "no, i'm holding a bannana, but I like you all's imagination.Next she said" I have something round and red". Little Johnny stood up and guessed it was a ball. Ms. Nelson told Johnny it was an apple but she liked Johnny's imagination. Johnny had an idea. He told his teacher, "I have something in my pocket that's warm and it has a head on it. Well Ms. Nelson got really upset and told Johnny he was to go to the principal's office for being soo dirty minded.Little Johnny then said," No, Ms. Nelson, it's a quarter, but I LIKE YOU'RE IMAGINATION!!!

NEWS ITEM: Polish air disaster
Poland's Worst Air Disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna 152
plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland.
Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 326 bodies so far and expect
that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new more...

If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.