Ivory Jokes

What to Do With All Those "Free" Soaps When Travelling This is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned. Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the more...

God is sitting up in his ivory tower, he's had enough of the pressures and stresses of being the number one, so he's decided to go on holiday. He calls all his super-being mates up and they pop around to discuss a few suggestions. "What about Mars," says one of them. "Nah I went there 15,000 years ago," says God, "it was shit, no atmosphere and too dusty." "What about Pluto," suggests another. "Nah I went there about 10,000 years ago," says God. "Fucking freezing it was too." "What about Mercury," says another. "It's nice but I went there about 5,000 years ago, I nearly burnt me bollox off it was that hot, never again," says God. "What about Earth then," suggests another. "You must be joking," says God, "I went there about 2,000 years ago, knocked up some Jewish bird, and they're still bloody talking about it."

God is sitting up in his ivory tower, hes had enough of the pressures and stresses of being the number one, so hes decided to go on holiday. He calls all his super-being mates up and they pop around to discuss a few suggestions. "What about Mars," says one of them. "Nah I went there 15, 000 years ago," says God, "it was shit, no atmosphere and too dusty." "What about Pluto," suggests another. "Nah I went there about 10, 000 years ago," says God. "Fucking freezing it was too." "What about Mercury," says another. "Its nice but I went there about 5, 000 years ago, I nearly burnt me bollox off it was that hot, never again," says God. "What about Earth then," suggests another. "You must be joking," says God, "I went there about 2, 000 years ago, knocked up some Jewish bird, and theyre still bloody talking about it."

God is sitting up in his ivory tower, tired and worn out. He`s had enough of the pressures and stresses of being the number one, so he`s decided to take a holiday. He calls all his super-being mates together to discuss a few suggestions. St. Peter, thinking, nods his head, then says, "How about Mars? It`s nice and warm there this time of year." God shakes His head before answering, "Nah I went there 15, 000 years ago. It was shit, no atmosphere and too dusty." "What about Pluto?" suggests another. "No way!" God mutters. "I went there 10, 000 years ago. Fucking freezing it was too." "What about Mercury?" says another. "Are you kidding?" says God. "I went there 5, 000 years ago, I nearly burnt me bollox off it was that hot, never again." "I`ve got it," says St. Peter, his face lighting up. "How about going down to Earth for your vacation?"

"You must be joking," says more...

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Ivory!
Ivory who?
Ivory strong like Tarzan!