Assistance Jokes

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you saying: "Damn that was fun!"

What to Do With All Those "Free" Soaps When Travelling This is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned. Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the more...

While practicing auto-rotations during a military
night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up
the landing and landed on the tail rotor. The
landing was so hard that it broke off the tail
boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained
upright on its skids, sliding down the runway
doing 360s.
As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a
brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio
exchange that took place...
Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"
Cobra: "I don't know, tower, we ain't done
crashin' yet."

I worked for a while at a Wal-Mart store, selling sporting goods. As an employee of Wal-Mart you are sometimes required to make store-wide pages, e.g.,"I have a customer in hardware who needs assistance at the paint counter."
One night a tentative female voice came over the intercom system with the (I kid you not) following message:
"I have a customer by the balls in toys who needs assistance."

BREAKING NEWS:

Whitehouse press spokeswoman Joan Braithwaite has delivered the
following statement to media regarding accusation involving
impropriety between President Clinton and Miss Lewinsky:

The President absolutely did not engage in any sexual conduct
with Miss Lewinsky and will vigorously defend himself against
such claims.
However the President would like to state that it is possible
that a perfectly innocent incident has been twisted by right wing
Republicans in order to undermine his administration.
Mr. Clinton has said that there was an occasion when it was
necessary for him to adjust his clothing he noticed with some
embarrassment that his fly was undone. The President said that he
unfortunately had some difficulty with his clothing as his zipper
got stuck. Because Mr. Clinton has slight arthritis in his hands
he found he could not get the zipper up.
He therefore, for medical more...