Jacket Jokes / Recent Jokes

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5: 30 and smells the distinct smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said…. FOR BEST RESULTS, more...

This young guy had just bought a brand new Harley Davidson and the dealer had warned him, "The last thing you want is for this baby to rust. Whenever it rains, rub some petroleum jelly over all the metal parts." and he handed him a jar of vaseline.
The guy put the vaseline in his jacket pocket and took off. A little later he was having dinner in some restaurant and successfully managed to pick up the waitress. She invited him back home and his hopes were high. On the way home she said, "We've got a strange rule in our family. The person who says the first word has to do all the dishes. Is that OK?"
He said, "OK." But when he entered the house he was floored by the dishes piled everywhere. Determined to make sure that he didn't have to do the dishes, he decided to do the girl... right in front of her parents. They didn't say a word.
A moment later he grabbed the mother. She tried to pull away, but he ripped of her dress and fucked her right on more...

General
Faster than a speeding bullet.
More powerful than a locomotive.
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
Walks on water.
Lunches with God, but must pick up tab.
Colonel
Almost as fast as a speeding bullet.
More powerful than a shunting engine on a steep incline.
Leaps short buildings with a single bound.
Walks on water if sea is calm.
Talks to God.
Lieutenant-Colonel
Faster than an energetically thrown rock.
Almost as powerful as a speeding bullet.
Leaps short buildings with a running start in favourable winds.
Walks on water of indoor swimming pools if lifeguard is present.
May be granted audience with God if special request is approved at least three working days in advance.
Major
Can fire a speeding bullet with tolerable accuracy.
Loses tug-of-war against anything mechanical.
Makes impressively high marks when trying to leap tall buildings.
Swims well.
Is occasionally addressed by more...

A blonde was determined to prove to her husband that all blondes were not dumb, so she decided to paint the living room.
Her husband came home and found her painting while wearing a leather jacket with a ski jacket over it.
When he asked her why she was wearing the jackets, she said the instructions said it was better with two coats.

Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper and Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Fred died. He said,' 'You know, Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all.'' He opened the note, and read,' 'Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube!''

'Twas the night before Christmas,
Yet he slept all alone.
In a one-bedroom house,
Made of plaster and stone.
I had come down the chimney
With presents to give,
And to see just what man
In this small house did live.
I looked all about,
What a strange site to see.
No tinsel, no presents,
Not even a tree.
No stockings by the fire,
Just boots spit shined bright.
Then something else gleamed,
Reflecting the moonlight.
They were medals and badges,
Awards of all kinds.
And a sobering thought
Soon came to my mind.
For this house was different,
Unlike any I'd topped.
This was the home of an officer,
The home of a cop.
I'd heard stories about "them",
And I had to see more.
So I walked down the hall,
And pushed open the door.
And there he lay sleeping,
Silent and alone.
Curled up on his bed,
In this one-bedroom home.
He seemed so gentle,
His face weathered more...

A blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes
and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her
husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is at work, she
decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next
day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at
hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of
paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in
a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat
at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies,
"Yes."
He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that
not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on. She replies that
she was reading the more...