Jacobs Jokes

After Mrs. Jacobs found out her husband was sterile, the couple decided to hire a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jacobs kissed his wife and said 'I'm off to work, Lydia. The guy should be here soon.' Wouldn't you know it, a door-to-door baby photographer came by half an hour later, hoping to make a sale. Mrs. Jacobs answered the door. 'Good morning, ma'am. You don't know me, but I've come to...' 'Oh yes, I know why you're here. Harry told me you'd be coming soon.' 'He did? But I...' 'Come right in! No use wasting time .' 'Very well, then.' The photographer took out his briefcase and sat down. 'As you may already know, I've made a specialty of babies.' 'Good, I'm glad,' said Mrs. Jacobs. 'That's just what Harry and I were looking for.' 'I usually like to try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed,' said the photographer. 'The living room floor is fun too...you can really spread out.' 'Bathtub? Living room more...

The examination
Doctor Jacobs finished his examination and informed Herman that he was in perfect health. "But what about my headaches?" Herman moaned.
"I`m not at all worried about your headaches," Dr. Jacobs replied.
"If you had my headaches, doctor, I wouldn`t worry about them either," said Herman.

After Mrs. Jacobs found out her husband was sterile, the couple decided to hire a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jacobs kissed his wife and said' I'm off to work, Lydia. The guy should be here soon.' Wouldn't you know it, a door-to-door baby photographer came by half an hour later, hoping to make a sale. Mrs. Jacobs answered the door.' Good morning, ma'am. You don't know me, but I've come to...'' Oh yes, I know why you're here. Harry told me you'd be coming soon.'' He did? But I...'' Come right in! No use wasting time. '' Very well, then.' The photographer took out his briefcase and sat down.' As you may already know, I've made a specialty of babies.'' Good, I'm glad,' said Mrs. Jacobs.' That's just what Harry and I were looking for.'' I usually like to try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed,' said the photographer.' The living room floor is fun too...you can really spread out.'' Bathtub? Living room more...

"Mr. Jacobs," the analyst said, "I think this will be your last visit."
"Does that mean I'm cured?" he asked.
"For all practical purposes, yes," she said. "I think we can safely say that your kleptomania is now under control. You haven't stolen anything in two years, and you seem to know where the kleptomania came from."
"Well, that's terrific, Doctor. Before I go, I'd like to tell you something. Although our relationship is strictly professional, it's been one of the most rewarding of my life. I wish I could do something to repay you for helping me."
"You've paid my fee," the doctor said. "That's the only responsibility you have."
"I know," Jacobs said. "But isn't there some personal favor I could do for you?"
"Well," the doctor said, "I'll tell you what. If you ever suffer a relapse, my son could use a nice portable color television."