Jail Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why would someone in jail want to catch the measles? So he could break out.
Three people had been sentenced to be put in jail for ten years, and they asked each one of them to say one thing that he wants to have with him in the chamber.
The first one said, "I want you to put 1 ton of steak with me," so they did and they locked the chamber; then the second one said, "I want a rack full with the best wines in the world," so they put it in his chamber and locked it; the third said, "I want 1000 packets of cigarettes," so they put it in the chamber and locked it.
After the ten years are over, they unlocked the first chamber, and the man came out with big belly and said, "That was delicious." Then they unlocked the second chamber, and the man came out and he can barely stand and said, "Those were the best wines that I have ever tasted." When they opened the third chamber, the man came out and said, "Matches, please"
Is your dad in jail? Cuz he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.
Marion Jones has asked a judge not to give her jail time, saying her disgrace was punishment enough. Which will set up a very convincing insanity plea. Yes, humiliation is a true substitute for jail time. Luckily for Jones, this is the same judge that ordered an armed robber to be publicly nooggied. In fairness, Jones was stripped of all of her medals. And there's no replacing those – except with the millions of dollars she got to keep.
A new jail warden was being shown through the jailhouse by the old warden.
Soon, after making rounds around the rest of the jail, they get to the cafeteria. In one corner, he sees a group of elderly men laughing hysterically.
Interested, he watches them while the older warden gets his food. One of the men shouts out "63!" and the entire table bursts out laughing. The new warden is totally baffled by the behavior of them. "74!", again a chorus of guffaws ring out.
The old warden comes back to the table where the new warden sits staring, and the new warden asks "What are those elderly men doing."
The old warden smirks, and says, "Oh, those are the life timers. They've been in here so long, they just number their jokes."
Meanwhile another one calls out "2!". Nobody laughs.
The new warden leans over and asks, "What happened?" To this the warden replied, "Oh, he blew the delivery."
A new jail warden was being shown through the jailhouse by the old warden.
Soon, after making rounds around the rest of the jail, they get to the cafeteria. In one corner, he sees a group of elderly men laughing hysterically.
Interested, he watches them while the older warden gets his food. One of the men shouts out "63!" and the entire table bursts out laughing. The new warden is totally baffled by the behavior of them. "74!", again a chorus of guffaws ring out.
The old warden comes back to the table where the new warden sits staring, and the new warden asks "What are those elderly men doing."
The old warden smirks, and says, "Oh, those are the life timers. They've been in here so long, they just number their jokes."
Meanwhile another one calls out "2!". Nobody laughs.
The new warden leans over and asks, "What happened?" To this the warden replied, "Some people can't tell a joke."
Application Form To Be Filled For Contesting Indian Elections ----------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Name of Candidate: _______________________
2. Present Address
(i) Name of Jail: _______________________
(ii) Cell Number: _______________________
3. Political Party: _______________________ (List ONLY the Last Five parties in the Chronological (Order)
4. Sex: [ ]
A - Male
B - Female
C - Mayawati
5. Nationality: [ ]
A - Italian
B - Indian
6. Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
A - Defected
B - Expelled
C - Bought out
D - None of above
E - All of above
7. Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
A - To make money
B - To escape court trial
C - To grossly misuse power
D - To serve the public
E - I have no clue (if you choose "D, attach Certificate of Sanity from more...