Jake Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walked down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he found his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

Jake asked her, "What are you up to?"

Alice smiled. "I'm going hunting with you!"

Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decided to take her along. Later they arrived at the hunting site. Jake set his wife safely up in the tree stand and told her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."

Jake walked away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant, much less a deer. Not 10 minutes passed when he was startled as he heard an array of gunshots.

Quickly, Jake ran back. As Jake got closer to her stand, he heard Alice screaming: "Get away from my more...

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walked down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he found his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asked her, "What are you up to?" Alice smiled. "I'm going hunting with you!"Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decided to take her along. Later they arrived at the hunting site. Jake set his wife safely up in the tree stand and told her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Jake walked away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant, much less a deer. Not 10 minutes passed when he was startled as he heard an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake ran back. As Jake got closer to her stand, he heard Alice screaming: "Get away from my deer!"Confused, Jake raced faster towards his screaming wife. And more...

A man walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots. ” Bartender says, “You want them both now or one at a time? ” The guy says, ” Oh, I want them both now. One’s for me and one’s for this little guy here, ” and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.
The bartender asks “He can drink? ”
“Oh, sure. He can drink. ”
So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
“That’s amazing” says the bartender. “What else can he do, can he walk? ”
The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, “Hey, Jake. Go get that. ” The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in total shock. “That’s amazing” he says, “what else can he do? Does he talk? ”
The man says “Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch more...

Becky was on her deathbed, with her husband Jake at her side. He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face.
Her pale lips moved. “Jake, ” she said quietly.
“Hush, ” he quickly interrupted, “don’t talk. ”
But she insisted. “Jake, ” she said in her tired voice. “I have to talk. I must confess. ”
“There is nothing to confess, ” said the weeping Jake. “It’s all right. Everything’s all right. ”
“No, no. I must die in peace. I must confess, Jake, that I have been unfaithful to you. ”
Jake stroked her hand, squeezed it and sobbingly told her, “Now Becky, don’t be concerned. I know all about it, ” he cried uncontrollably. “Why else would I poison you? ”

Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks "Have you got the time?"
Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says.
"Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger. Jake brightens a little.
"Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out" - and he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropolises.
He hits a few buttons and from somewhere on the watch a voice says "The time is eleven' til six" in a very West Texas accent. A few more buttons and the same voice says something in Japanese. Jake continues "I've put in regional accents for each city". The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding.
The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. "That's not all", says Jake. He pushes a more...

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

Jake asks her: "What are you up to?"

Alice smiles: "I'm going hunting with you!"

Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along. Later they arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot".

Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant--much less a deer. Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots.

Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming: "Get away from my more...

Jake was watching vigilantly at his dying wife's side.' 'Sleep now, its all right,'' he told her. But she kept trying to sit up and said,' 'Honey, I really need to tell you something.'' Finally Jake let her get it off her chest.' 'Jake, honey, I need to tell you something before I die. During the last two months, I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father.''' 'Don't worry about it,'' Jake said,' 'I allready know. Why do you think I poisoned you?''