Alice Jokes

A teacher was sitting at her desk grading papers when her first-grade class came back from lunch. Alice informed the teacher, "Paul has to go to the principal's office."
"I wonder why," the teacher mused.
"Because he's a following person," Alice replied.
"A what?" the teacher asked.
"It came over the loudspeaker: 'The following persons are to go to the office.'"

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, "What are you up to?" Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along. They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant - much less a deer. But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get away from my deer!" Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. more...

Ruby Alice walked up to the desk of a Bowling Green motel and signed the register with the letter "O." "Whyd you put that circle down?" asked the clerk. "Cause Ah cant write," replied the girl. "Why dont you sign with an X?" asked the man. "Ah used to," she answered. "But when Ah got me a divorce, Ah took back mah maiden name!"

Alice's PDP-10
With thanks (and apologies) to Chris Stacy, Alan Wechsler, Noel Chiappa, Larry Allen, and of course Arlo Guthrie, and particularly to Ann Marie Finn who is a kind soul and not at all like the person portrayed herein.-sra 3 May 85
This song is called "Alice's PDP-10". But Alice doesn't own a PDP-10, in fact Alice isn't even in the song. It's just the name of the song. That's why I called this song "Alice's PDP-10".
You see, it all started about two incompatible monitor versions ago, about two months ago on a Tuesday, when my friend and I SUPDUP'd over to MIT-OZ to pick up some hackers to go out for a Chinese dinner. But AI hackers don't live on MIT-OZ, they live on various assorted lispms and such, and seeing as and how they never log in except via the file server, they hadn't gotten around to doing filesystem garbage collection for a long time.
We got over there, saw 600 pages free, 10000 pages in use on a 5 pack PS:, and decided it more...

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walked down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he found his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

Jake asked her, "What are you up to?"

Alice smiled. "I'm going hunting with you!"

Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decided to take her along. Later they arrived at the hunting site. Jake set his wife safely up in the tree stand and told her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."

Jake walked away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant, much less a deer. Not 10 minutes passed when he was startled as he heard an array of gunshots.

Quickly, Jake ran back. As Jake got closer to her stand, he heard Alice screaming: "Get away from my more...