Consultant Jokes

A man had a siamese cat that howled all night, every night. The sleepless man concluded that the cat has too much testosterone and took him to the vet to be castrated. To the great surprise of the man and all his neighbors, the cat continued howling.

"Why are you doing it now?" they asked the cat.

"Now I am a consultant."

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
A consultant is a man who knows 99 ways to make love, but doesn't know any women.
A consultant is someone who is called in at the last moment and paid enormous amounts of money to assign the blame.

The Indians and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile.
Afterward, the India team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action. The consultant's finding:
The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the Indian team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the Indian team.
So as race day neared again the following year, the Indian team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers and a new more...

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged.

Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action. The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.

After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team.

So as race day neared the following year, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: Four steering managers, three area more...

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.