Job Jokes / Recent Jokes
The parish priest needs his house painted so he offers the job to one of his altar boys. The first day the kid paints the entire inside of the house, he`s sweating like hell but eventually gets it finished. The priest commends him on the work and with a flourish hands him 50p. The boy looks at the coin and says to the priest, "Thanks very much Father, you`re a virgin". The priest is a bit startled but makes no remark. Next day the boy has to paint the outside of the house; it`s a really hot day and he just manages to finish the job without collapsing. The priest looks at the job and this time gives the lad a pound coin. Once again the lad looks at the coin and says, "Thanks very much Father, you really are a virgin". At this stage the priest decides to take action. "Tommy," he says, "that`s twice you called me a virgin. Do you have any idea what the word means?"
"Yes" says the brat, "a tight c*nt."
Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 a. m. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in.... AMERICA.....
The CIA had an opening for an assassin.
After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.
Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair, Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn.
She was given the same more...
President Clinton has publicly admitted that he cannot keep one of his Campaign Promises. He had promised to support Unionizing of the Secret Service. The exact amount of campaign contributions involved in exchange for this promise is unclear at this time. Now the Prez says he cannot deliver and they're actually picketing the White House.
This makes no sense at all.
Q: WHAT IS THE JOB OF THE SECRET SERVICE??
A: Hang around with the President and make sure nothing happens.
Sounds like a Union job to me....
Sardar got a Job as a cook in one home. One day sardar went in to his madams room with tea.
Madam got angry and said sardar, you should not come to my room like this, May be I am changing my dress. So you should take permission first by knocking the door before coming inside.
Sardar said, don't worry madam, I'll not enter in your room when you changing your dress, For making sure of that I am always looking thru the keyhole. and if you are changing your dress I am keep watching till you finish that, then only I comes inside........
Whats the difference between your wife and your job? After 10 years, the job still sucks.
Tylenol A man walks in for a sale rep job. He is very qualitfied, but he has a nervous twitch, and his left eye is always winking.
So he speaks with the manager and the manager says, "Well sir, you are very well qualified for the job, but people have to be comfortable around a sales rep. and that eye thing is really freaky."
The man smiles and says,"Oh that, I just take some Tylenol and it goes away." So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a condom, he takes several more condoms out and finally finds some Tylenol. He takes two Tylenol and the eye twitch goes away.
The manager frowns, "Sir, I'm sorry but our company does not like womanizers. I don't like the look of all those condoms."
The man chuckles, "Oh, I'm no womanizer... but do you know how hard it is to buy Tylenol at a drug store with your eye contantly winking?"