Jobs Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
A: One is a goodyear, and the other is a great year!
Immigrants from around the country are taking to the streets this week demanding that they be allowed to stay in the US in order to maintain their jobs. And what better way to maintain those jobs than by parading in the streets in the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday.
The town founder had passed away and the whole town turned out, as did his family who arrived from all over the globe. This threw the mortuary into an uproar. They had some employees doing two or three jobs and others switching jobs to get everything done.
After the chapel services, all the members of the funeral party piled into the different cars for the drive to the cemetery. The procession was very long, and one group of family members, not knowing their way, decided to ask the driver how much further it would be. The patriarch tapped the driver on the shoulder, and said, "Pardon me....."
The driver let out a scream and turned with a grimace of horror to see who had tapped him. In doing so, he drove the car into the ditch and through a farmer's fence, almost overturning it.
After calming everyone down, the driver somberly explained, "I'm so sorry for what happened, but you see, I usually drive the hearse."
President Obama is promising to deliver 600,000 jobs this summer. Ironically, those are all positions at the ever-expanding unemployment office.
Q: Why do blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
*The following is an excerpt from the July 1943 issue of Transportation. This was serious, and written for male supervisors of women in the work force during World War II - a mere 54 years ago!
There's no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point.
The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage. Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject from Western Properties:
1. Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they're less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn't be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.
2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older more...
At the end of a job interview, the head of human resources asks the young engineer fresh out of MIT, "What starting salary were you looking for?"
The engineer decides to shoot for the moon. "I’m thinking in the range of $125,000 a year or so, depending on the benefits package."
"Hmm," says the interviewer. "Well, what would you say to five weeks’ vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a retirement fund with company matching to 50 percent of salary, and a company car leased every two years–say, a Porsche?"
The engineer gapes and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
"Yeah," replies the interviewer, "but you started it."