Johnny Jokes / Recent Jokes
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
A kindergarten teacher was giving her students a homework assignment. She said, "Students, I know you can do this. If you are going anywhere tonight, then watch how your parents drive in relation to the stoplight. This means, watch how they drive and what they say when the stoplight turns green, when it turns red, and when it turns yellow."
So the following day, all the little kids came back with smiles on their faces because they knew that they had done their homework.
The teacher asks, "So did everyone do their homework last night?" Every kid says in unison, "Yes!"
The teacher continues. "So can anyone tell me what you do when the light turns green?" She looks past the outstretched hand of Little Johnny to pick Little Billy. Billy said, "You say, 'yes, this stupid light finally turned green!', and then stay at the same speed."
"Very good, Billy," the teacher said. Little Johnny was mad; he wanted to answer a more...
The door bell rings, and a man answers it.
Here stands Little Johnny, dressed well but plainly, who says, "Trick or Treat!"
The man asks Johnny what he's dressed up like that for at Halloween.
Little Johnny says, "I'm an IRS agent"; then he takes 28% of the man's candy, leaves, and doesn't say Thank You.
The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today's lesson.
"I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let's begin. A"
All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like 'ass' or 'asshole'. She picked Wendy, and Wendy said "apple".
"Very good", said the teacher, "now B".
Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said "ball".
This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to "R". Nobody but Johnny had their hands up.
The teacher thought and thought and couldn't think of a bad word that started with "R". So she picked Johnny.
Johnny more...
Little Johnny was asked by his teacher to spell "straight," little Johnny did so without error."Bravo," said the teacher, "now, what does it mean?""Without water in it."
A man was walking on the sidewalk and noticed up ahead that Little Johnny was wearing a red fireman's hat and sitting in a red wagon. It appeared that the wagon was being pulled very slowly by a large German Shepherd. When he got closer to the lad, he noticed that Little Johnny had a rope tied around the dog's testicles, which probably accounted for why the dog was walking so gingerly.
Smiling, he spoke to the little boy, "That's really a nice fire engine you have there, son. But I'll bet the dog would pull you faster if you tied that rope around his neck."
"Yeah, sure" Little Johnny replied, "but then I wouldn't have a siren."
The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today's lesson."I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let's begin. A"All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like 'ass' or 'asshole'. She picked Wendy, and Wendy said "apple"."Very good", said the teacher, "now B".Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said "ball".This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to "R". Nobody but Johnny had their hands up.The teacher thought and thought and couldn't think of a bad word that started with "R". So she picked Johnny.Johnny stands up and says: "R...Rat...a more...