Johnny Jokes / Recent Jokes

The teacher was conducting a class in nutrition and asked the class to name four qualities of mohter's milk.Little Johnny pipes up and says, "I know teacher!"Number One: It's fresh.Number Two: It's nutritious.Number Three: I't served at just the right temperature.And Number Four: It comes in a cool container!

The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers."Yes," he says. "My daddy taught me.""Can you tell me what comes after three?""Four," answers little Johnny."What comes after six?""Seven," answers little Johnny."Very good," says the teacher. "Your father did a very fine job.
What comes after ten?""A jack," answers little Johnny.

Because her student's were getting bored with show and tell, the teacher decided to have the children come to the front of the class to tell of any unusual hobbies their parents had.
First was a girl, who said, "My mother has a collection of antique dolls."
"Very good," said the teacher. "And you, Harold?"
Harold said, "My father is the champion golfer at his country club."
"Very good, Freddy?"
Freddy announced that his mother's roses won a prize at the Garden Club.
Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. He stood, but didn't say a word until the teacher asked, "Don't your parents do anything you can tell us about?"
Little Johnny thought, and then said, "About all I know is that my father eats light bulbs."
"My word!" said the teacher, "Are you sure?"
Little Johnny nodded. "I was passing their bedroom the other night when I heard my father say,' more...

The teacher was giving her students a quiz on notable quotes and told them that the first student to identify who said it, would be able to leave for the day.
She first began with, "This was England's finest hour."
Mary quickly jumped up and answered, "Winston Churchill." "Correct, Mary, you may go home now," said the teacher.
Next, she said, "Ask not what your country can do for you."
Before she could quite finish, another girl yelled out, "John F. Kennedy." "Very good," commented the teacher. "You may go home now."
Annoyed that he hadn't been quick enough, little Johnny blurted out, "I wish these girls would just shut up."
Hearing this, the outraged teacher demanded to know who say it.
Johnny immediately sprank to his feet and said, "Bill Clinton. See you Monday!"

Little Johnny returns from school and tells his father he got an "F" in Arithmetic today.
"Why?" asks his father.
"The teacher asked,' How much is 2 x 3?' I said "6".
"But that's right," said his father.
"Then she asked me' How much is 3 x 2?'
"What's the fucking difference?" asks his father.
"That's what I said!"

Little Johnny was in church, getting restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.Not able to take it anymore, he leaned over to his father and whispered, "Hey, Dad, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.

"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."