Johnny Jokes / Recent Jokes

It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because there is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day. The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question". The teacher asked, "Who said' Four Score and Seven Years Ago'? Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go". Johnny was MAD that Susie answered first. The teacher asked, "Who said,' I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go". Johnny was even MADDER than before that Mary answered first. The teacher asked, "Who said' Ask not, what your country can do for more...

A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, Mary, but I wanted you to use the word' fascinate.'" Sally raised her hand and said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word' fascinate.'" Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was notorious for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him. Johnny said loudly, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons." The teacher said, "That was good, Johnny. However, you did not use the word' fascinate' in your sentence." Little Johnny continued, "But her boobs are so big, she can only fasten eight!"

A father came home from a long business trip to find
his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike.
"Where did you get the money for the bike?
It must have cost $300," he asked.
"Easy, Dad," little Johnny replied.
"I earned it hiking."
"Come on Johnny," the father said.
"Tell me the truth."
"That is the truth!" Johnny replied.
"Every night you were gone, Mom`s boss, Mr. Reynolds,
would come over to see Mom. He`d give me a $20 bill
and tell me to take a hike!"

The teacher was conducting a class in nutrition and asked the class to name four qualities of mohter's milk.
Little Johnny pipes up and says, "I know teacher!"
Number One: It's fresh.
Number Two: It's nutritious.
Number Three: I't served at just the right temperature.
And Number Four: It comes in a cool container!

While his mother was having a consultation with the doctor, Little Johnny could be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room, yet she made no attempt to restrain him.
A few minutes later, they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing. Finally, after an extra-loud crash, she casually said to the doctor, "I hope you don't mind Little Johnny playing in there."
"No, not at all," the doctor replied calmly. "I'm sure he'll calm down as soon as he finds the poison."

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day and he really needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled, "Teacher, Teacher, I have to go pee pee!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, you should be old enough to know that this is not the proper word to use?""The correct word would be urinate."
"Now Johnny, would you please use the word urinate in a sentence?"Little Johnny thought for a moment then said:, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger boobs you'd be a ten!"

In the Sex Ed class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex."The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?"Johnny says, "Seventy-three."The teacher says, "Oh, my goodness... uh... very good, John, very good..."She calls on Becky in the front and says, "All right, Becky, how about you?"Becky says, "Gee, teacher, I only came up with one... where the guy just lays on top of the girl."Johnny yells, "Seventy-four."