Johnny Jokes / Recent Jokes

the bus driver saw little johnny waiting on the bus stop as the bus driver opened the doors johnny climed into the bus and sat right next to the bus driver and said "if my dad was a bull and my mommy was a cow i would be a little bull".the bus driver looked at him and nodded, then johnny went on and on and on finally the bus driver got agitated and said if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitutte what would you get? little johnny looked up and said a busdriver

Little Johnny's teacher said, "Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."Did you copy hers?, she asked.Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"

The teacher advised the class to start the day with the pledge of allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag...
"When his eyes fell upon Little Johnny, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks. "Little Johnny, I will not continue until you put your hand over your heart."

Little Johnny replied, "It is over my heart." After several attempts to get Little Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?"

"Because every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says,' bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie!"

The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today's lesson.

"I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let's begin. A"

All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like' ass' or' asshole'. She picked Wendy, and Wendy said "apple".

"Very good", said the teacher, "now B".

Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said "ball".

This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to "R". Nobody but Johnny had their hands up.

The teacher thought and thought and couldn't think of a bad word that started with more...

A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase “Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life…” “What’s wrong with that, Johnny? ” the pastor asked. “Well, ” answered Johnny, “I understand about having goodness and mercy, for God is good. But I’m not sure I’d like Shirley following me around all the time. ” A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase “Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life…” “What’s wrong with that, Johnny? ” the pastor asked. “Well, ” answered Johnny, “I understand about having goodness and mercy, for God is good. But I’m not sure I’d like Shirley following me around all the time. ”

Johnny asked his grandma how old she was. Grandma answered, "39 and holding." Johnny thought for a moment and then said, "How old would you be if you let go?"

"Hey, Mom," asked Johnny, "can you give me ten dollars?"
"Absolutely not!" his mother replied.
"If you do," he continued, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were out shopping."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?"
"He said, 'Hey, Hazel, don't forget to wash my socks tomorrow'."