Judge Jokes / Recent Jokes

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to
his lawyer.
If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.?
It's in the judge's hands now, said the lawyer.
Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars??
Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like
that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you
in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the
judge.
Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of
the defendant.
As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, Thanks
for the tip about the cigars. It worked!?
I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them.
But I did send them.
What?? You did?
Yes. That's how we won the case.
I don't understand, said the lawyer.
It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the
plaintiff's business card.

Then there was the old man brought up charges of sexually molesting a teenager. H ever, the judge dismissed the case because th( evidence wouldn't stand up in court.

"Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

"That's very generous and fair of you, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined." "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of
cigars?" "Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical
behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in
contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!" "I'm sure we would have lost the case if
you'd sent them." "But, I did send them." "What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously. "Yes. That's how we won the case." "I don't understand," said the lawyer. "It's easy. I sent the cigars to the more...

Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant.
The judge ordered Taylor, “You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can. ”
After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone.
When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, “You asked me to give him good advice. I found out that he was guilty, so I told him to split. ”

Worse was the alleged rapist who stood before the judge and pleaded innocence by reason of insanity.
"Insanity?" coughed the judge. "Young man, you seem perfectly normal to me."
"Oh, I am," he admitted, "it's sex I'm crazy about."

An family law attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.

"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.

"Judge Garber has just died" said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."

Replied the governor "Well, its OK with me if its OK with the undertaker."