Judges Jokes / Recent Jokes
Judge: Haven`t I seen you before?
Man: Yes, Your Honor. I taught your daughter how to play the drums.
Judge: Twenty years!
The judge frowned at the tired robber and said, "then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?"
"Yes, your honor."
"And why was that?"
"Because my wife wanted a dress."
The judge check with his records, "But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!"
"Yes sir. She made me exchange it two times."
Standing before the judge during an alimony hearing, the man said, "As God is my judge, I do not owe that madwoman money!"
The judge calmly replied, "He isn`t. I am. You do."
Heckling in the courtroom had constantly interrupted the trial, and the judge had had enough. "The next person who interrupts the proceeding will be thrown out of my court!" he said severely, at which the defendant yelled, "Hooray!"
"What is your occupation?" asked the judge.
"I`m a locksmith, your honor."
"And what were you doing in the jeweler`s shop at three in the morning when the police officers entered?`
" I was making a bolt for the door!"
Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- Deuteronomy (Deuteronomy 21: 11-13)
Find a prostitute and marry her.
-- Hosea (Hosea 1: 1-3)
Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2: 16-21)
Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
-- Boaz (Ruth 4: 5-10)
Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21: 19-25)
Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you rib.
-- Adam (Genesis 2: 19-24)
Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marrige. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. (That's right: fourteen years of toil for a more...
"Guilty or not guilty of begging?` asked the magistrate.
"Nearly guilty," said the beggar.
"What do you mean, ˜nearly` guilty? Asked the puzzled magistrate.
"Well, your honor, I asked the lady for twenty-five cents but I didn`t get it."