Seven Jokes

A man joins a monastery and although he takes a vow of silence, he is permitted to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years have past, the elders bring him in and ask him for his two words.
"Cold floors," he says. The elders nod and send him away.
After seven more years, they bring him in and ask for his two words.
"Lousy food," he mumbles. Again, the elders nod and send him away.
Another seven years pass and the elders bring him in and once more ask him for his two words.
"I quit," he says, clearing his throat.
"We're not surprised," says the elders, "you've done nothing but complain since you got here."

On the first day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: A Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the second day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Two Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the third day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the fourth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the fifth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the sixth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the seventh day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Seven pints of cole slaw, Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, more...

Now that Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas has become
firmly established in Hollywood, and Charlotte
Church is a well-known celebrity slapper in the UK,
the Welsh film industry is to receive additional
funding to step up production. They are going to
remake many well known films, but this time with a
Welsh flavour.
The following are planned for release this year...
* 9

A woman has three daughters who get married. She asks them to write to her in two words to describe their happiness.
First daughter gets married and after three days the woman gets a note.
It reads 'Maxwell House'. The woman was confused but then read an advert in the paper for Maxwell House coffee reading: "Satisfaction guaranteed".
So the woman was happy for her daughter.
Second daughter gets married and after seven days the woman gets a note.
It reads 'Rothmans Cigarettes'. The woman was baffled but then read an advert in the paper reading "Lifetime, King-size". So the mother was very happy that her daughter had married well.
Third daughter gets married, but the woman is worried, it's been four weeks and no word. Finally, on the fifth week the woman gets a note. It reads "British Airways". So then mum rushed to read an advert about BA, and shock, horror!
She faints. The advert read: "Three times a day, seven days a more...

WILE E. COYOTE, Plaintiff v. s. THE ACME COMPANY, INC., Defendant In the United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona Case No. B191294, Judge Joan Kujava, Presiding Plaintiff, Mr. Wiley E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result the actions and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability. Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, certain products which did cause him bodily injury due to more...