Jusht Jokes

How do you leave a message on this thing? I can't understand the instructions. Hello. Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this... YOW!
You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...
Drawling granny voice: Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn' have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a meshage. Thanksh a lot.

* You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on,
wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in,
leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I
pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another
long answering machine message when you call me...
*(Drawling granny voice:) Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn' have
fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. You jusht had to call and call
until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but
I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a meshage. Thanksh
a lot.
* You have reached 934-2435. We picked this machine up at a garage sale in
"as-is" condition. You can try to leave a message on it, but we are not sure
it will be recorded. If we don't return your call, it means the machine did
not work.
* (In a more...

Drawling granny voice: Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn' have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like' em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a meshage. Thanksh a lot.

A couple, while at the height of their ecstasy, fell out of the 3rd story window at the local brothel.
A drunk was walking by and saw the whole thing happen. He rang the doorbell to the brothel, where the madam came to the door and asked him very rudely, "What the hell do you want?"
He said, "Maahdamm, I jusht wanted ta tell ya that your shign jusht fell down!"