Brothel Jokes

An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins." How am I doing?" He asks." Three knots," she replies." Three knots? What's that mean?" "You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back."

A horny young man went to a brothel... The lady at the counter asked him what his choice would be. The man wanted to know what was available. Madam, "On the first floor, we have the ex-models... they are all slinky and sexy... On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses...they are all buxom and beautiful... On the third floor, we have our ex-teachers... they..."Man, "Say no more! Lead me to the third floor."Madam, "Are you sure... I'm surprised that you would prefer ex-teachers to ex-models and ex-actresses."Man, "It's obvious, ma'am, teachers always make you do a thing over and over again, until you're perfect at it."

Dear Ann Landers,

I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy.

My parents live in the suburb of Seatoun and one of my sisters, who lives in Palmerston North, is married to an Australian.

My Father and Mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana, distribution of Cocaine, as well as Heroin.

They are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in Auckland.

I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non parole life sentence in Mt. Eden Prison, Auckland, for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being
held in the Wellington remand center on charges of incest with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Christchurch and indeed is still a
part time "working girl" in a Brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD.

We intend more...

Bruce, a middle-aged Australian tourist, visits the red light district of Amsterdam and enters a large brothel. It's his first time in Europe.

The Madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the prospective client. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams and runs away!

Seeing this, the Madam sends a more experienced lady over to entertain the gentleman.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He again whispers in her ear and she screams and runs away!

The Madam decides that only the most experienced lady, Lola, would do!

Lola looks a bit tired, but there is nothing she hasn't done already and absolutely nothing would surprise her. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams louder than the more...

A man has been down on his luck and has not been with a woman for a very long time and to make matters worse he only has 2 dollars to his name.
He goes to a local brothel and asks the owner if he can have a good time there for 2 dollars.
"2 dollars, I don't think so, beat it!" says the owner
The guy starts to cry and goes on to explain all that has been going on in his life.
The owner says "ok buddy, give me the 2 dollars and go to the second floor 3rd door on the right"
The man hands over his 2 dollars and goes to the room and when he enters the only thing in the room is a chicken. He ponders it for a bit looks around the room carefully to make sure no one is watching, once he finds out no one is watching he decides he is gong to have sex with the chicken. But alas as hard as he tries he can't catch the chicken and he finally gives up and leaves.
A few months later the guys luck has turned around and he has a well paying job. He returns to more...