Key Jokes / Recent Jokes
COMPUTER BLUES
Yes, well, OK, so, technically I didn't really write this article as such
and I guess I probably don't deserve the money or fame that will no doubt
result from this groundbreaking piece of journalism but in all fairness it
is really funny. This is in case you feel inadequate when dealing with
computers. This should make you feel much better. I received this via
e-mail and have no idea where it came from but apparently it's true and
considering the proliferation of personal computers in the last several
years I don't doubt any of these stories.
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard
to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic
bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another more...
An elderly and rich bania, mean in money matters, acquired a pretty young wife who was a spendthrift. He thought of a scheme to teach his wife the habit of saving. He presented her with a small tin box with a slit in its lid, locked it and put the key in his pocket.' Meyree Jaan/ he said to her,' every time you let me kiss you, I will put a five rupee coin into the box through this slit on top. At the end of the month I will unlock it. All the money in it will be yours to spend as you like.'
The scheme worked very well. The young wife showed more willingness to be kissed and her elderly husband was quite happy to part with five rupee coins for what he got in return.
At the end of the month, with a grand gesture he produced the key from his pocket and unlocked the box. What he saw did not please him because there were many ten and twenty rupee notes in the box.' Where did these come from?' he demanded angrily.' I've only been putting in five rupee coins.'
'Not everyone more...
Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is. AST technical support had a called complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. Another Compaq technician recieved a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn''t read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the disk. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting more...
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bedsheets, still I sat there, doing spreadsheets. Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer. Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command And waited for the disk to store, only this and nothing more.
Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing, Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. "Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!" One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion? These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before. Carefully, I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises. The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more. Clearly I must press a key, more...
In days of old, when knights were bold, this particular knight was leaving for a crusade and called one of his squires. "I'm leaving for the crusade. Here is the key to my wife's chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I haven't returned, you may use the key."
The knight sets out on the dusty road, armored from head to toe, and takes one last look at his castle.
He sees the squire rushing across the drawbridge, yelling, "Stop! Thank goodness I was able to catch you. This is the wrong key."
A couple gets married and the wife puts a foot locker in the bedroom. She locks it, then puts the only key on a chain around her neck. For fifty years, her husband tries to figure out what's in there, but she always changes the subject, and avoids the issue. Finally, on the night of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, he says to her, "I've got to know what's in the trunk!" She takes the key, unlocks the foot locker, and inside there's two ears of corn and $25, 000. The guy says, "What's with the two ears of corn?" She says, "Well, umm, in the fifty years, every time I broke our marriage vows, I put an ear of corn in the trunk." The guy figures, "Twice in fifty years, not so bad..." Then he says, "And what's the $25, 000?" She says, "Well, everytime I got a bushel, I sold it."
For those of you who are familiar with the BOFH handbooks, this sounds like a page or two from them...
It says: "Press Any Key"
It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."
It says: "Press A Key"
(This one's a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the "A" key.)
It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E"
It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."
It says: "Installing program to C:...."
It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:windows
and c:windowssystem where you'll NEVER find them."
It says: "Please insert disk 11"
It means: "Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks."
It says: "Not enough memory"
It means: "I more...