Keyboard Jokes / Recent Jokes
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had clearned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill Gates
gets a cut of the profits therefrom.
Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking,
standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make DOS
network, multitask, or display a graphical user interface, for that
would be a gross hack.
Thy hard disk shall never have more than 1024 sectors. You don't
need that much space anyway.
Thy application program and data shall all fit in 640K of RAM.
After all, it's ten times what you had on a CP/M machine. Keep holy
this 640K of RAM, and clutter it not with device drivers, memory
managers, or other things that might make thy computer useful.
Thou shall use the one true slash character to separate thy
directory path. Thou shall learn and love this character, even though
it appears on no typewriter keyboard, and is unfamiliar.
Standardization on where that character is located on a computer
keyboard is more...
These are actual calls to Tech support help desks
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?" Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"
Overheard in a computer shop: Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please." Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety." Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
Customer: "Can you copy the more...
These are actual calls to Tech support help desks
(Some of you may find this funny while others could possibly use this section as a reference)
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?" Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"
Overheard in a computer shop: Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please." Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety." Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the more...
I heard that Microsoft is going to come out with a version of Windows for the MacIntosh. I can imagine what the advertisements will be:
Are you tired of the user-friendliness of your MacIntosh? Then get Microsoft Windows for MacIntosh, featuring limited on-line help and poor documentation!
Why settle for intuitive keyboard commands when you can have confusing F-key combinations? But don't take our word for it-here are some satisfied customers:
"I couldn't stand all the easy drag-and-click commands on my MacIntosh. Now I can do everything with wordy commands that only work on one file or directory at a time!"
- Goober McLeod, IBM user for 15 years
"I hated the 'automatic startup' files. Now, I can go back to my autoexec.bat file and pray I've got everything set up right! Plus, MS-Windows even disabled the Find File command, so I can search all my directories by hand to find those utilities I lost!"
- Joey Boring, still using a more...