Kid Jokes / Recent Jokes

'Twas the night before Chanukah, boychiks and maidels,
Not a sound could be heard, not even the dreidels.
The menorah was set on the chimney, just right,
In the kitchen my Bubbe hut gechapt a bite.
Salami, pastrami, a glessala tay
and zayerah pickles with bagels, oy vay!
Gezunt and geschmacht, the kindelech felt,
while dreaming of tegelach and Chanukah gelt.

The clock on the mantle it sure was a tickin',
and Bubbe was serving a schtickala chicken.
A tumult arose like a thousand bruchas,
Santa had fallen and broken his tuchas.
I put on my slippers, eins, tsvay, drei,
while Bubba was now on the herring and rye.
I grabbed my robe and buttoned my gotkes,
While Bubbe was so busy, devouring those latkes.

To the window I ran and to my surprise,
A little red yarmulke greeted my eyes.
When he got to the door and saw our menorah,
"Yiddishe kinder," he said, more...

There Were Two Brothers, Who Were Very Naughty. If Anything Went Wrong In A Locality They Were Suspected. So One Day Their Parents Decided To Take Them To A Counsellor.
At The Counsellor’s Place, He Asked The Younger Brother: “Where Is God? ”
The Kid Went Blank. The Counsellor Again Repeated The Question. At This The Kid Cried And Went To His Older Brother Saying That They Were In Trouble Because God Was Lost And They Were Being Suspected For Stealing Him.

Mother: “Did You Get A Good Place To Sit In Your History Exam? ”
Daughter: “Yes, Ma. I Sat Next To The Cleverest Kid In The Class. ”

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20. 00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside an operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for? ”
The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out, and I’m a little nervous. ”
The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up, they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze. ”
The second kid then asks, “What are you here for? ”
“A circumcision, ” the first kid answers.
“Whoa! ” the second kid says. “Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. I couldn’t walk for a year. ”

So one day as a kid I was at the local Zoo. I was bored and kept pestering my dad to go and play. Eventually he agreed, took me over to the lion enclosure, threw me in and said: "There ya go, play dead..."

A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.
She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10, 000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."
The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10, 000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"