Kind Jokes / Recent Jokes
1) The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period, you both keep doing it until you’re blue in the face.
2) The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage, you’ll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.
3) The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You’ve calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.
4) The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, “Fuck you! ”
5) There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom!
Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some rubbers. The chemist puts a pack of rubbers on the counter. Johnny looks at therubbers and asks the chemist if he has any other kind. The chemist goesinto the back and brings out another pack. "Nah," says Johnny, "what elsedo you have?" "Well," the chemist replies, "the only other kind that Ihave are the ones with all the bumps and ridges on them. Do you know whatthese will do to a woman?" Little Johnny says, "No... but they'll make agoat jump about two feet off of the ground!"
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff more...
Inspirational stuff!!!
It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you have to let go.
The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
Dream more...
A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money.
They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165, 000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, "I make bets."
The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "For example, I'll bet you $25, 000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet."
The old lady says, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25, 000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady says, more...
The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn't keep his eyes off her. Every time she came in the room, he'd nearly jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her.
When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a. . . well. . . unusual request. But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret."
The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man -- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man. . . "
The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes, yes!"
"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the door. . . "
"Yes, yes!"
"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"