King Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what, metal, wood, plastic-anything she touched would melt!

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians.

One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured,"

The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.

Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.

The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the more...

A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing. The gorilla roared,' Who is the king of the jungle?'and the deer replied,' Oh, you are, Master.' The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. The gorilla roared,' Who is the king of the jungle?' and the zebra replied,' Oh, you are, Master.' The gorilla walked off pleased. Then he came across an elephant.' Who is the king of the jungle?' he roared. With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him. The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said,' Okay, okay, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer.'

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter. But there was a problem. Everything the princeess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, plastic,. .. anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? . He consuletes his wizards and magicians. One wizards told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that doesn't melt in her, she will be cured". The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a huge diamond, thingking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, more...

So I said to the taxi driver, "King Arthur's Close."
He said, "Don't worry, we'll lose him at the next set of lights." - Tommy Cooper.

Q. What do Micheal Jackson and Burger King have in common?
A. They both stick thier meat in five year old buns.

Just imagine if the following people got married...
If Yoko Ono had married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.
If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, hey! it's the '90's!, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.
If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Monster.
If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.
Nog (Quark's brother on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine") has no other name, so he uses it twice when getting a marriage license. If he married Howard Hughes, and then more...

Instead of printing "To Protect and Serve" on the LAPD logo,
in 1992 they decided to change the slogan to...
"We'll Treat you like a King
(Rodney King, Martin Luther King, and all them god-damned kings in africa we killed off)"
[LAPD is Los Angeles Police Department]