Kiss Jokes / Recent Jokes
Tips on Love (by kids, 5-10 years of age):
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED? "Eighty-four, Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom."(Judy, 8)
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife."(Tom, 5)
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."(Mike, 10)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours."(Kally, 9)
THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? "It's more...
Tips on Love (by kids, 5-10 years of age):WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED? "Eighty-four, Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom."(Judy, 8)"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife."(Tom, 5)WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."(Mike, 10)WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours."(Kally, 9)THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? "It's better for girls to be single more...
A young chap is walking down the street when he hears a girl's voice coming from the direction of the gutter. When he looks down he sees a frog.
The frog looks up at him and says "Good sir, I am a beautiful princess who has been trapped in the body of a frog by a wicked witch. If a young man kisses me I will turn back into a princess. If you kiss me and release me from my curse I'll do anything you desire."
The young chap considers this, picks the frog up and puts it in his pocket.
"Please help me!" says the frog. "Kiss me and I will do anything your heart desires. I will be yours until the end of time!"
The young man takes the frog out of his pocket and says "I'm afraid I'm a computer programmer so I haven't got time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now, that's cool."
It was slightly before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols.
Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood.
Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointier parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way.
With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant,
"Even if I were not married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe."
"Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe more...
Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice:"Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I'll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare." Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. The night of the play it was his turn to speak. This is what he said:"Hark! A pigeon shit! There lies a lady with soap in her hole. I think I'll kiss her snatch and run into the forest. By William Snakeshit... Horseshit... Oh, shit! I didn't want to be in this damn play anyway!"
A young Marine and his commanding officer board a train headed through the mountains of Switzerland. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.
After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young soldier are interested in each other because they are giving each other "looks."
Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.
The grandmother is thinking to herself: "It was very brash for that young soldier to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."
The commanding officer is setting there thinking: "I didn't know the young Marine was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"
The young woman was sitting and more...
A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real painintheass, constantly complaining:' The bus seats are uncomfortable.'' The food is terrible.'' It's too hot.'' It's too cold' The accommodations are awful.' You have surely known her, and/or too many like her.
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone.
' Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,' the guide said.' Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow.'
' We can't be here tomorrow,' the nasty woman shouted.' We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone.'
' Well now,' the guide said,' it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune.'
' And I suppose you've kissed the stone,' the woman scoffed.
' No, ma'am,' the frustrated guide more...