Kiss Jokes / Recent Jokes
After a few days on the new Earth, the Lord called to Adam and said,' 'It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth, so I want you to kiss her.'' Adam answered,' 'Yes, Lord, but what is a' kiss'?''
The Lord gave a brief description to Adam, who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said,' 'Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable.''
And the Lord replied,' 'Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that. Now, I'd like you to caress Eve.'' And Adam said,' 'What is a' caress'?'' So, the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve. Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said,' 'Lord, that was even better than the kiss.''
And the Lord said,' 'You've done well Adam. And now, I want you to make love to Eve.'' And Adam asked,' 'What is' make love', Lord?'' So, the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but more...
A man entered a bank with a gun in his hand. He yelled, "I'm going
to rob every man in this bank, and I'm going to kiss every woman."
One of the men who had accompanied his wife to the bank said,
"You may rob all of us men, but you're not going to kiss all the
ladies!"
His wife punched him in the ribs and said, "Now leave him alone,
Herb. He's robbing the bank."
A middle aged woman and her husband visit a disco, just to remember what
it used to be like. After a few dances they sit down at the side to
recuperate. After a few minutes, a man comes over and asks the woman to
dance. She is rather flattered and with an approving glance from her husband,
accepts the invitation.
Well, after a few minutes bopping, the man leans over to her and says,
"You know, I think you're really good looking, could I kiss you, please?"
The woman is rather taken aback and replies, "Certainly not - I'm a married
woman and that's my husband over there."
The music continues, and after another few minutes the man leans over
again and says, "I really do think that you're the most attractive woman
I've seen for ages, could I feel your tits, please?"
By now the woman is getting angry, and replies,
"Of course not, what sort of person do you think I am?"
They continue dancing, and more...
One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had movedinto the house next door. He was also quick to noticethat the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usuallyin a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair ofbreasts. He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as muchas possible, hoping for yet another look. Finally, he couldstand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor'shouse, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man, opened the door." Excuse me", our man stammered, "but I couldn't help noticing howbeautiful your wife is." "Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied." Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breastsare. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss thosebreasts." The burly gorilla is about to deck our poor guy when his wife appearsand stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer for afew moments. Finally, they return and ask our friend more...
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED? "Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." (Tom, 5) WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 9) WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10) CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE: "No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deoderant are so popular." (Jan, 9) ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE: "Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
(Roger, 9) "If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." (Leo, 7) ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE: "If you more...
Once upon a time, in the Christmas Tree Forest there lived the
Christmas fairies. They spent most of their time practising
sitting on top of the Christmas trees. There was just one rule
they had to stick to... it was strictly forbidden for a fairy to
kiss anyone!
The trouble was that Floella was a wicked little fairy. One day
Harry the Hare was hopping through the forest when he saw Floella
sitting on top of a toadstool, combing her hair. Floella said,
"Hello, handsome, give us a kiss!"
Harry the Hare was shocked. "Father Christmas doesn't allow that! he gasped. "Anyone caught kissing a fairy will be turned straight
away into Goon!"
But Floella tickled his ears - just the way hares love and
whispered, "Don't worry, we won't get caught!"
Harry the Hare trembled with fear and excitement. He looked
carefully over his furry brown shoulder, saw that no one was
looking. .. and more...
The scene: A train compartment in Poland in the 1950`s. A young Polish peasant, a Russian soldier, a beautiful young girl and an older woman in it. The train goes through a tunnel. It`s totally dark for a moment. A kiss is heard and then the sound of a face being slapped. As the train comes out of the tunnel, the Russian soldier is rubbing his sore cheek... The old Polish woman is thinking to herself: "Serves him right! I am glad the beautiful young girl slapped him. These Russians have no shame." The young Polish woman is thinking: "What an idiot! He had a chance to kiss me and he chose to kiss the old woman. I am glad she slapped him!" The Russian soldier is thinking: "Very clever of the Polish guy to kiss the young girl and let me take the whacking." The young Polish peasant thinks: "Brilliant idea to kiss my own hand and slap the Russian on his faceÉ"