Kiss Jokes / Recent Jokes

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman. If you don't, you are not a man.If you praise her, she thinks you are lying. If you don't, you are good for nothing.If you agree to all her likes, she is abused. If you don't, you are not understanding.If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man'. If you don't, you are half a man.If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring. If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing.If you are well-dressed, she says you are a playboy. If you aren't, you are a dull boy.If you are jealous, she says it's bad. If you aren't, she thinks you do not love her.If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her. If you don't, she thinks you do not like her.If you are a minute late, she complains it is hard to wait. If she is late, she says that's a girl's way.If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel. If she is visited by another, 'oh it's natural, we are girls'.If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold. If you more...

Grandpa and Grandpa were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good old days," when Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember when we first
started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?"
Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his.
With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a little farther, "Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you'd sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?"
Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek.
Growing bolder still, Grandma said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?"
Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?"
Grandpa replied, "To get my teeth!"

I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then move up to your belly button.

"What does love mean?" These are answers from 4 to 8 year olds.When my grandma got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toe nails anymore. So my grandpa does it for her now all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.
Rebecca - age 8When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouths.
Billy - age 4Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
Kari - age 5Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs.
Chrissy - age 6Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.
Terri - age 4Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him to make sure the taste is OK.
Danny - age 7Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you more...

"You used to hold my hand years ago when we were courting," she said as they were side by side in bed. He reached over, took her hand and held it." Then you used to kiss me," she purred. He turned over, gave her a slight kiss and then rolled over again to sleep." After that, you used to bite my neck." With that the husband got up. "Where are you going?" she asked. "To get my teeth," he grumbled.

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:

Most honorable sir:
You leave house.
He come house.
I watch..
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree-look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
Fall out of tree, not see.

NO FEE

My 75 year old Dad was taking his daily walk through the park when he heard a tiny voice calling to him. "Hey, mister! Pssst, mister!" Dad looked all around, and spotted a little frog sitting in the grass looking up at him."Hey mister," said the frog. "A wicked witch cast a spell on me, and turned me into an ugly frog. If you'll just kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and be forever grateful."Dad reached down, picked up the frog, put it in his pocket, and proceeded to walk on. The frog called out to him again, "Hey! Didn't you hear me? I said if you'll kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess and be forever grateful."Dad replied, "I heard you, but at my age, I'd rather just have a talking frog!"