Kitchen Jokes

One day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing,"You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!"The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and asked what they meant. The startled parents did their best to get out of the situation, "You see son, bitch and bastard are what adults call each other sometimes and dick and cunt is a nickname we gave our coats." The boyshrugged his shoulders and went off to play. Later that day the boy was watching his dad shave. Suddenly his dad blurted out, "Shit" when he cuthimself. The boy asked, "dad what does that mean?" and his dad cleverly replied, "That's the brand of shaving cream I'm using." So the boy wandered into the kitchen where his mom was preparing a turkey for company that evening. As he was watching, his mom burned herself on the stove and blurted out "Fuck". Again the boy asked the meaning and the frustrated more...

These three guys - an American, Chinese, and German - were
shipwrecked on a desert island. The German found this smokey bottle.
So he brought it back to the other two and they all opened it togther
(the German was a really nice guy). Well, low and behold, a GENIE
POPPED OUT! The genie granted them each one wish, and of course all
three wanted to be back home. So the genie said he would grant them
their wishes.
"But first, you must all do me a favor. Mr. American - I want you
to built me a restaurant here. Mr. German - you will make the kitchen
for this restaurant. Mr. Chinaman - you will get the supplies for the
restaurant. I have a hot date waiting for me in Bagdad, so I have to
go. But I will return in ONE MONTH. At that time, if you satisfied my
requirements, I will grant your wishes."
So for one month, the three men American and German toiled while
the Oriental kinda lazed around and gave a helping hand to the more...

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: $500 If we fail to fill your order! When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant nuts on rye.
She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!
The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, "You got me this time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden new that, deep down, Andy was a good person. So, the warden made arrangements for the inmate to learn a trade while doing his time.

Some three years later, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often, he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for citizens of the community. And, he always reported back to prison by early Sunday evening. Andy was a model inmate.

One day, the warden considered remodeling his kitchen, though he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top. So, he called Andy into his office and asked him to do the job for him. To the warden's surprise, Andy simply refused to help.

"But, you're an expert. Andy, I really need your help," said the warden.

"Gosh, warden, I'd really like to help you, but counter more...

it was the night before thanksgiving
and tara was in bed when she heard her parents call each other bitches and basterds.
so she went to their room and asked her dad
"dad whats a bitch?" and her dad said"its what all women are." then she went to her mom and asked "mom whats a basterd?"and her mom replied "its what all men are." then tara went back to bed. the next day was thanksgiving and tara and her parents were at the market when her dad put down some condoms "daddy what are condoms?" and her dad said "its what all men have." then tara went to her mom and saw her with a box of tampons and asked her mom "what are tampons?"and her mom said"its what all women have." now there back at home and there waiting for their family to come over .so tara went to see what her dad is doing.so she went to the bathroom and saw her dad shaving when he cut himself and yelled "SHIT!" so tara asked her more...