Kitty Jokes / Recent Jokes
9. E-mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy."
8. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.
7. You find you`ve been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt. recreational. catnip.
6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it... and a strange aroma of tuna.
5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computers, Inc. about thier release of "CyberDog."
4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.
3. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.
2. On IRC you`re known as the IronMouser.
and the #1 Sign Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password...
1. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.
Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldnt buy a kitten and parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl. Youre getting your Christmas present a week early this year, her mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten. Is that what you want? The little girl said, Its wonderful, mother... just what I wanted. Theres just one thing wrong! Whats that? her mother asked. Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws! Her mother smiled. Dont worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas morning youll find the claws are there. Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worrie d about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days passed and there wasnt even a hint, a clue or an inkling of claws in the middle of its paws. When more...
'Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
not even a mouse.
'Cuz the cat had pounced on him
and tore him apart-
Ate his mousey intestines
And chewed up his heart.
Kitty thought he heard sleigh bells,
which made him take pause-
He stopped daintily licking
the blood from his claws.
"Must be Santathought Kitty
(that quite clever cat)
'Cuz nobody else climbs down
the chimney like that.
Indeed it was ol' Santa,
so jolly and fat
With a load of presents
and all for the cat!
"Wow, the best Christmas ever!
Kitty thought with a purr,
Then he coughed up a hairball
and shed some more fur.
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable because no matter how legitimate my illness, because I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.
On one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway because the truth was to humiliating to reveal. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.
In this case, the truth hurt. I mean it really hurt in the place men feel the most pain. The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty
As the daily routine prescribes, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed!" she harkened. "The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is." I protested through the shower (pitter-patter).
"Reset it yourself!"
"I am scared!" She more...
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable because no matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied. Any way because the truth was too humiliating to reveal.
I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.
In this case, the truth hurt. I mean it really hurt in the place men feel the most pain. The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. As the daily routine prescribes, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
"Ed!" she hearkened. "The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is." I protested through the shower pitter-patter. "Reset it yourself!"
"I am scared!" She pleaded. more...
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.
The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed! the garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is." I protested through the shower. "Reset it yourself!" "I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second." So out I came, dripping more...
Calling in Sick... A Cat Owner's Story Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable because no matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating to reveal. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown. In this case, the truth hurt. I mean it really hurt in the place men feel the most pain. The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. As the daily routine prescribes, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed!" she hearkened. "The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is." I protested through the shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!" "I am more...