Knocked Jokes / Recent Jokes

Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots, who, as a group had only purchased one ticket. Just before the conductor came through, all the Scots piled into the toilet stall at the back of the car.

As the conductor passed the stall, he knocked and called'Tickets, please!" and one of the Scots slid a ticket under the door. It was punched, pushed back under the door, and when it was safe all the Scots came out and took their seats.
The Englishmen were tremendously impressed by the Scots' ingenuity. On the trip back, the five Englishmen decided to try this themselves and purchased only one ticket.

They noticed that, oddly, the Scots had not purchased any tickets this time. Anyway, again, just before the conductor came through, the Scots piled into one of the toilet stalls, the Englishmen into the other.
Then one of the Scots leaned out, knocked on the Englishmen's stall and called "Ticket, Please!" When the ticket slid out under more...

A hobo came up to the front door of the neat looking farmhouse and knocked gently on the door. When the owner answered, the hobo asked, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days."
The owner said, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I never give anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal."
So the hobo went around back and a little later he again knocked on the door. The owner said, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in."
The hobo said, "Thank you very much, sir. But there is something that I think you should know. It's not a Porch, it's a BMW."

Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

A man walked up to a farmer's house, and knocked on the door. When the farmer's wife opened the door, the man asked if she knew how to have sex. Not amused, she slammed the door. Again, the man knocked, and again, he asked the same question. Again, she slammed the door and screamed, "Get the hell away!"Later, she told her husband of the incident. He said he would stay home the following day just in case. Sure enough, the next day the same man returned. The husband hid with his gun while his wife answered the door. When she was asked again if she knew how to have sex she said, "Yes!"The man replied, "Great! Give some to your husband the next time you see him, and tell him to keep away from my wife!"

there were three guys in an airplane:a japanese, a chinese, and an american guy.The japanese guy jumps off and flicks up a penny.He goes into the little kids house and says little hid why r u crying, the little kid told him something coppery came down and hit my dad on the head and knocked him out.Then the chinese guy jumps off and flicks up a nickle, he goes in the little kids house and says little kid y r u crying, the little kid says something silvery fell on my moms head and knocked her out.Then the american guy jumps off and flicks up a grenade, he goes in the little kids house and says little kid y r u laughing the little kid says my granma farted and blew up the next door neighbors house.

One Halloween two black children, a brother and a sister, were trick-or-treating as Hansel and Gretel. They came to the first house and knocked on the door. The old lady that answered said, "Children! Go back home and tell your momma that Hansel and Gretel weren't black!"
They went home and told their mother. She pulled out their Romeo and Juliet costumes from last year and quickly got them re-dressed. They went back to the old lady's house where she came to the door and again she said, "Children! Go back home and tell your momma that Romeo and Juliet weren't black!"
Again they went home and told their mother. This time, their mother said "I'll fix that mean old lady. Give me your clothes."
The boy and his sister took off their costumes and their mother sent them back to the old lady's house without a stitch of clothing to wear. They knocked on the door and the old lady answered. "CHILDREN!!" she said. "You're both naked! Now more...

A group from engineering and a group from marketing at a company decided to attend a conference together. They all needed to take a train to their destination. Each of the marketing people bought a ticket. All of the engineers got together and bought one ticket. The marketing people were convinced that the engineers would get thrown off the train. When the conductor came arround, all the engineers piled into the bathroom. The conductor knocked on the door asking for tickets, and they slid the one ticket out under the door, and the conductor continued on his way. On the way home, the marketing people figured they would use the same routine and purchased one ticket. The engineers did not purchase any tickets. The marketing people were again stunned. On the train, one of the engineers said here comes the conductor, and the marketing people quickly piled into the bathroom. One of the engineers walked up, knocked on the door, and announced he was the conductor, and the marketing group slid more...