Kong Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say, "I could do that better.
Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control?
A: Their personality.
Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong?
A: King Kong is more sensitive.
Q: What`s the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
The best recording of the Haydn Trumpet Concerto is Music Minus One.
Q: How to trumpet players traditionally greet each other?
A: "Hi. I`m better than you."
Q: How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door?
A: The doorbell shrieks!
Bill Smith started the day early, having set his alarm clock (made in Japan), for 6.00 a.m. While his coffee pot (made in Japan), is perking, he puts his blow dryer (made in Taiwan) to work and shaves with his electric razor (made in Hong Kong). He puts on a dress shirt (made in Taiwan), his designer jeans (made in Singapore), and a pair of tennis shoes (made in Korea).
After cooking up some breakfast in his new electric skillet (made in the Philippines), he sits down to figure out on his calculator (made in Mexico), how much he can spend today. After setting his watch (made in Switzerland), to the radio (made in Hong Kong), he goes out, gets in his car (made in Germany), goes looking as he has been for months, for a good paying American job.
After the end of another discouraging and fruitless day, Bill decides to relax for a while. He puts on a pair of sandals (made in Brazil), pours himself a glass of wine made in France), and turns on his TV (made in Japan), and wonders more...
The following are items found overseas in which people have made inappropriate use of English words for various products, and bizarre menu items in restaurants.
Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce - China
Indonesian Nazi Goreng - Hong Kong
Muscles Of Marines/Lobster Thermos - Cairo
French fried ships - Cairo
Garlic Coffee - Europe
Sole Bonne Femme (Fish Landlady style) - Europe
Boiled Frogfish - Europe
Sweat from the trolley - Europe
Dreaded veal cutlet with potatoes in cream - China
Rainbow Trout, Fillet Streak, Popotoes, Chocolate Mouse - Hong Kong
Roasted duck let loose - Poland
Beef rashers beaten up in the country peoples fashion - Poland
Fried friendship - Nepal
Strawberry crap - Japan
Pork with fresh garbage - Vietnam
Toes with butter and jam - Bali
French Creeps - L. A.
Fried fishermen - Japan
Teppan Yaki - Before Your Cooked Right Eyes - Japan
Pepelea's Meat more...
The following are items found overseas in which people have made inappropriate use of English words for various products, and bizarre menu items in restaurants:
Beef rashers beaten up in the country peoples fashion - Poland
Boiled Frogfish - Europe
Buttered saucepans and fried hormones - Japan
Cock in wine/Lioness cutlet - Cairo
Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce - China
Dreaded veal cutlet with potatoes in cream - China
French Creeps - L. A.
French fried ships - Cairo
Fried fishermen - Japan
Fried friendship - Nepal
Garlic Coffee - Europe
Goose Barnacles - Spain
Indonesian Nazi Goreng - Hong Kong
Muscles Of Marines/Lobster Thermos - Cairo
Pork with fresh garbage - Vietnam
Prawn cock and tail - Cairo
Rainbow Trout, Fillet Streak, Popotoes, Chocolate Mouse - Hong Kong
Roasted duck let loose - Poland
Sole Bonne Femme (Fish Landlady style) - Europe
Strawberry crap - more...
If King Kong came to England why would he live in the Tower of London? Because hes a beef-eater.
Real Subtitles from Hong Kong Movies -------------------------------------1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way. 2. You with your thick face have hurt my instep. 3. Gun wounds again? 4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin. 5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries. 6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken! 7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants. 8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here? 9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up. 10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken. 11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out! 12. You daring lousy guy. 13. Beat him out of recognizable shape! 14. I have been scared sh*tless too much lately. 15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair! 16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected. 17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold? 18. How can you use my intestines as a gift? 19. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will more...
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. Sign in a Hong Kong supermarket: "For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service." Sign at fast-food place: "PARKING FOR DRIVE-THRU CUSTOMERS ONLY!" Sign outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs." Sign in a Rhodes tailor shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation." Sign from the Soviet Weekly: "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years." Sign in an East African newspaper: "A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers." Sign in a Vienna hotel: "In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter." Sign in an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the latest more...