Ladies Jokes / Recent Jokes

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service
bloopers:
* Our next song is ''Angels We Have Heard Get High''.
* Don't let worry kill you-let the church help.
* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
* Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
* Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
* The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
* Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
* This being more...

A man was out walking one day and went by a retirement home. As he passed the front lawn, he saw nine old ladies, basking in the sun in lounge chairs. When he looked closer, he realized that they were all stark naked.
He went to the door and rang the bell. When the director answered the door, the man asked if he realized there were nine naked old ladies laying in the sun on the front lawn.
The director said, "Yes," and went on to explain that the old ladies were all retired prostitutes living at the retirement home, and they were having a yard sale.

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers:
Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".
Don't let worry kill you-let the church help.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
This being Easter Sunday, we more...

A whole gaggle of Jewish ladies at a party were discussing the problemof one of their daughters, who looked very much as though she were planning to marry a Gentile boy. Everyone was disturbed about it, and Icould not help interrupting. "Why not?" said I. "Let her marry a Gentile boy. I'm all in favor ofJewish girls marrying Gentile boys." "Why?" chorused the women. And I said, "Because why should the Jewish boys have all the badluck?"

Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed. "What's wrong?" The depressed one replied, "I've been married four times and everyone of my husbands has passed away." The other lady asked, "What did they used to do?" The depressed lady replied, "Well, my first husband was a millionaire, the second was a magician, the third was an evangelist, and the fourth was a mortician." And the other said, "Oh, one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

Two ladies are in a bar and the first lady says, "Why are men the same as parking lots". So the second lady says "I dont know?" So the first lady says, " all the good ones are taken and the ones that are left are handicap!"

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a BRISTOL."
The pharmacist fainted.