Lady Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three elderly ladies were at the doctor for a cognitive reasoning test.The doctor says to the first gal, "What is three times three?" "297," was her prompt reply. "Ummm humm," says the doc.The doctor says to the second lady, "It's your turn now. What is three times three?" "Friday," replies the second lady. "Ummm humm..."Then the doc says to the third, "Okay, mam, your turn. What's three times three?""Nine," she says. "That's wonderful!" says the doc. "Tell me, how did you get that?""Simple," she says, beaming... "I subtracted 297 from Friday!"

During the bustle of holiday shopping at the mall, a lady lost her handbag. Fortunately, an honest little boy found it, and returned it to her.
Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm... that's strange. When I lost my purse, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."
The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."

One morning an elderly matron boarded a bus and occupied a seat without buying a ticket. The irate conductor addressed her rudely,' Budhiya (old woman), first buy your ticket before you sit down.'
The lady rasped back:' First learn to speak politely and then ask for money for a ticket. Instead of calling me a budhiya you should have said: "Jiji (elder sister), please buy a ticket."' The humbled conductor had to repeat the lady's words before he got the fare. Everyone was amused.
At the next stop, a hefty sadhu boarded the bus. This time the conductor got his own back. He addressed the sadhu very loudly:' Jeejaji (brother-in-law), you can take the vacant seat next to Jiji'

What does a brick and a fat lady have in common?
They both get laid by mexicans!

one day a travel merchant looks out his window and sees an old lady and old man schlepping bags of shopping in the rain.the merchant feels sorry for them and thinks "i'll do my mitzvah of the day and give the couple some tickets to barbados".
so he gives them their free tickets and they go on their cruise to barbados.
next week the old lady comes in and says to the merchant "thankyou for the free ticket, i really enjoyed myself.just one thing though.who's the old man?"

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver’s window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, “Yes Officer? ”
“What are you doing? ” the policeman asked.
“What does it look like? ” answered the young man. “I’m reading this magazine. ”
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, “And what is she doing? ”
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, “What does it look like? She’s knitting. ”
“And how old are you? ” the officer then asked the young man.
“I’m nineteen, ” he replied.
“And how old is she? ” asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said, “Well, more...

There once was a boy named John. When he was young, he had been given a dog. He did not know what to name it and he opened a book called "The Wonders of the Body." He came across the word "sex" and decided to name his dog after it. After about 20 years, one day, his dog when missing. He went to SPCA and see if they had seen his dog. "What's your dog's name that you are looking for?" the lady at the counter ask.
"I am looking for Sex."
"But sir, we don't provide those kind of service here, I think you should go somewhere else."
"But I need Sex a lot, I can't live without Sex, you can't ask me to go away like that."
"I think you've miss understood. This is the SPCA, not some brothel, so please excuse me."
"Hey miss, you can't do that! I need Sex everyday! Sex is very important to me... "
"Sir, but would you mind..."
"Look lady, I had Sex since 5, I... "
As more...