Lahore Jokes

- The first 15 channels on your cable are dedicated to stage show mujras

- You buy anything and everything from Al-Fatah

- Your uncivilized next door neighbor just bought a BMW because he deals in property

- A really souped up Civic stops next to you and instead of a groovy exhaust sound, the woofers blare out an Abrar number

- At least one of your friends is a Butt

- All directions start with, "Go down to Main Boulevard"

- You think it `s okay to wait 5 hours in the queue for Bashir `s Fish in Mozang because he only opens 6 months in the year

- Its quite all right to run a red light if the traffic policeman doesn `t have a bike to chase you

- When someone asks you ` `Bhai yeh Fortress kahaan hai? ` `, you spread an evil grin on your face and send him to Johar Town

- If you are hungry at 3 in the morning, you go to Coffee Tea & Co in your pyjamas instead of walking to your more...

*Madam:*


I am an older young uncle living only with myself in Lahore. Having seen

your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on
you and hope you will take me nicely. I am a soiled son from inside
Punjab. I am nice and big, six foot tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing
hardly also. Especially I like cricket and I am a good batter and I am a
fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start
running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce alot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly.
I am gay. Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am
always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get
on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not
drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. more...

A Indian comes to Lahore for a visit. After some time he starts comparing Lahore to Dehli and marvels at the cleanliness and neatness of the city. One day, while walking around the city, he suddenly feels intense pressure to take a leak. However, seeing how tidy it is around him, he is somewhat hesitant to go and relieve himself out in the open as he would back home. Soon he spots a policeman and asks him where to help him out.
The policeman replies, ``See the building there. You can relieve yourself anywhere in the compound there.``
The Indian does his thing and returns to thank the policeman.
He asks the cop, ``Is that the public loo?`` ``No,`` the policeman answers, ``that is the Indian High Commission.``

A man from Lahore was touring Punjab and got lost. He saw Santa working in his field and stopped for directions.
Santa told him how to get to Shimla.
The man wanted to talk a bit so he asked Santa, "Is this your farm?"
"Yep", Santa answered.
"How big is it?" asked the tourist.
"Well, it starts down the road there where the creek is and follows the creek up and over the hill to about where you can see that big tree. Then it runs across back of the barn to a big pile of stones up yonder and then down along the fence there to the road up that way."
The tourist smiled and said, "Well, that's a nice place. Let me tell you about my place out in Lahore. I can get into my car and start out from one end of my property just as the sun is coming up in the east. I can drive all-day and just as the sun is setting in the west I reach to other end of my ranch. What do you think of that?"
Santa thought for a second or two, more...

A man from Lahore was touring Punjab and got lost. He saw Santa working in his field and stopped for directions.
Santa told him how to get to Shimla.
The man wanted to talk a bit so he asked Santa, "Is this your farm?"
"Yep", Santa answered.
"How big is it?" asked the tourist.
"Well, it starts down the road there where the creek is and follows the creek up and over the hill to about where you can see that big tree. Then it runs across back of the barn to a big pile of stones up yonder and then down along the fence there to the road up that way."
The tourist smiled and said, "Well, that`s a nice place. Let me tell you about my place out in Lahore. I can get into my car and start out from one end of my property just as the sun is coming up in the east. I can drive all-day and just as the sun is setting in the west I reach to other end of my ranch. What do you think of that?"
Santa thought for a second more...