Lake Jokes / Recent Jokes
Banta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him.
The officer says, "Do you have a fishing license?"
Banta replies, "Don`t need a license, this is my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the officer asked.
Banta answers, "Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home."
"That`s a bunch of baloney, fish can`t do that."
Banta looks at the officer and says, "You want me to show you?"
Very curious now, the officer says, "O. K. I`ve got to see this"
Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting.
After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, "Well?"
"Well, more...
A busdriver was driving 50 kids to camp. They were passing a big deep lake that was beautiful and cyan. One kid asked the nice busdriver, "Can we go in that lake?" The busdriver replies "sure. can you swim?" The kids say, "Yes but only in very, very shallow water." The busdriver never saw this lake before, he thought it was shallow.
People nearby were stunned to see a bus full of kids turn and drive right into the lake.
Well, it's getting to be summer camp time, here in the good ol' USA, and one of the legendary requirements is the eternal "letter home." Here's an example provided me by a dear friend, trinette.
Dear Mom and Dad,
Our scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and were worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it wasn't for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Walt got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blowup? The wet wood didn't more...
There are two moose hunters who hop
on a float-plane and fly to their
destination. When the plane arrives at the
lake, the pilot says: "In three days, I'll
meet you two guys back here with one
moose." The plane flew away and the
men set up camp.
The first day they shot nothing. The
second, one man shot a moose and on
the third day, the second man shot
another moose. The plane came to pick
them up, and the pilot said: "What are you
doing, I told you to be here with only one
moose, not two." The hunters told the
pilot that last year, the pilot let them take
two mooses (mice?). The pilot wanted to
stay competitive with the other pilots and
made an exception this time to let the
hunters take two mooses. With the extra
weight, the plane barely got off the lake,
then hit a tree and crashed. One hunter
crawled over to his buddy to see if he was
hurt. He shook him, then he woke up more...
A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf & enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy. Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway. He looks at the caddy and says, "I've played so poorly all day, I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake." The caddy looks back at him and says, "I don't think you could keep your head down that long."
It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. Shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish.
Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son" he said, "I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm." "Look," said the old more...
The Top 9 Signs Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site
9. IOC members seem unconcerned over scheduling conflicts due to the yachting, diving and swimming events all being held in the 34th Street YMCA pool.
8. All 75 of the new hires in the mayor's office are named either Ingrid or Sven.
7. After Philadelphia lands the Summer Games, Juan Antonio Samaranch sports a hood ornament that looks strangely like the Liberty Bell.
6. Only someone bribed with hookers and college tuition wouldn't think the term "New York City Hospitality Committee" is an oxymoron.
5. Karl Malone is now playing forward for the Utah Samaranches.
4. T-shirt for sale in the hotel lobby: "My dad went to Salt Lake City, and all I got was this T-shirt and college tuition."
3. "Miss Salt Lake" for 1999 requires a translator to deliver her coronation speech.
2. New Olympic mascots: Vinny and more...