Land Jokes / Recent Jokes

Do pilots take crash-courses?
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

Moses is sitting in the Egyptian ghetto, things are going terrible: the
Pharoah won't even talk to him, the rest of the Hebrews are mad at him
for making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He's about
ready to give up.
Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice speaks from above: "You, Moses, heed
Me. I have good news, and bad news."
Moses is staggered. The voice continues:
"You, Moses, will lead the
people of Israel from bondage. If the pharoah refueses to release your
bonds I will smote egypt with a rain of frogs.
"You, Moses, will lead
the people of Israel to the promised land. If the pharoah blocks your
way I will smote egypt with a plague of locusts.
"You, Moses, will lead
the people to freedom and safety. If the pharoah's army pursues you, I
will part the waters of the red sea to open your path to the promised
land."
Moses is stunned. He stammers, "That's, that's more...

A Texas cowboy got a visit from his cousin who lives in the east.He thought he would show his city-slicker cousin a local Indian tribe so he could see how they were "one with the land".The cowboy and his cousin come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. The cowboy stops and says to his cousin, "You see that Indian?""Yeah," says the city-slicker."Look," says the cowboy, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction!"Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon.""Incredible!" says the cousin to the cowboy."This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. AMAZING!!!"The Indian looks up and says..."Ran over me about a half hour ago."

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral.
The title to the property dated back
to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down.
After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral proper back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.
"Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note
that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 more...

Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car together in the Midwest. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away.
When they come down and extract themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the land of Oz. They decide to go to see the Wizard of Oz. Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain."
Gingrich says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart." Clinton says, "Where's Dorothy?"

On the sixth day God turned to the Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats, and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth." "But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"
"Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbors I am going to give them."

This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.