Landing Jokes / Recent Jokes
Ever since his "Miracle on the Hudson" landing, Captain ChesleySullenberger and his wife say that they're having "rock star sex". Yup, ol'Sully can always find that wet landing strip!
1. "Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."
2. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"
3. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
4. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!"
5. This is an actual joke I heard on Southwest Airlines, just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City; one of the most bone jarring I've experienced. The steward came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell more...
Polish Air Lines flight 113 was descending for a landing at an
airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the
windshield and suddenly exclaimed to the copilot, "Holy cow! Look
how short the runway is! I've never seen one that short!"
The copilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you're right! That's
incredible! Are you sure we can make it?" "Well we better, were
almost out of fuel."
So the captain got on the intercom and notified the passengers to
put their heads between their knees and prepare for an emergency
landing. Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the plane to
just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the
ragged edge of control. The pilot's hands were sweating, the copilot
was praying. They touched down and came screeching to a halt JUST
before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking.
"WHEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the more...
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.According to "The Australian," an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight.The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign.The vibration stopped immediately.A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside.
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other anouncements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..." After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride." As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!" After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted." From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert more...
Polish Air Lines flight 113 was descending for a landing at anairport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out thewindshield and suddenly exclaimed to the copilot, "Holy cow! Lookhow short the runway is! I've never seen one that short!"The copilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you're right! That'sincredible! Are you sure we can make it?" "Well we better, werealmost out of fuel."So the captain got on the intercom and notified the passengers toput their heads between their knees and prepare for an emergencylanding. Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the plane tojust over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on theragged edge of control. The pilot's hands were sweating, the copilotwas praying. They touched down and came screeching to a halt JUSTbefore the edge of the runway, the tires smoking."WHEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain."That runway was SHORT!""Yeah!" said the more...