Lard Jokes

Their was this white boy. He was in the bathroom at park one day, and he saw this black boy in there. He said excuse me, but how did you get your dick so big. Thats easy said the black boy, everyday I rub it down in lard.Thankyou said the white boy, and off he went Well a few weeks past, and the white boy saw the black boy again. The black boy said hey hows it going, did the lard work. NO !! said white boy I thnik it made it smaller. What i dont understand it worked for me and my dad and my brothers. just what did you do, maybe you did something wrong. I did what you said, i got a can of crisco out and rubed it down everday. Laughing the black boy said crisco, thats not lard thats shortening..

How can you tell if its a lard ass in the car in front of you?
His tit hangs out the window!

It's 1880, the decade of gunslingers and gentlemen. This is a story of one such young man that wanted more than anything to be the fastest and most respected gunslinger in the west. The place was Dodge City, Kansas in the Sawdust Saloon. The young man walked into the Sawdust Saloon and, to his surprise, saw Wyatt Earp sitting at a table playing poker. The young man walked up to Wyatt and said, "Mr. Earp, I would like to be a gunslinger just like you. Could you give me some tips?" Wyatt put his cards down, looked up at the boy and said, "Son, I don't usually give out tips like this cause it could someday be detrimental to my health, but step back and let me take a look at you." The boy stepped back and Mr. Earp said, "You look good. You're wearing black, you've got two ivory handled guns with waxed holsters, and you look like a gunslinger. But what's more important, son, is: Can you shoot?" The young man, happy to show how good he was, quickly drew his more...

Your masseuse uses lard.
Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.