Larger Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two men were in a restaurant and ordered fish.

The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other. One of the men said to the other, "Please help yourself."

The other one said "Okay", and helped himself to the larger fish.

After a tense silence, the first one said, "really, now, if you had offered me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish!"

The other one replied, "What are you complaining for; you have it, don't you?"

Raymod Smullyan, "What Is the Name of This Book?"

Once there was this guy, lets call him Fred, who had a very small penis. Poor Fred thought if only he had larger equipment then maybe the chicks would like him more.
One day Fred went into the mens room and a very short man dressed in green was standing there peeing. Well, Fred couldn't help but notice what an enourmous penis the man had and he said as much. "How did it get so big?" he asked incredulously.
"With magic," the man replied, "I am a leprechaun."
Fred was amazed. "Can you make mine that big?"
The leprechaun could and said he would if Fred would only do him a small favor...to bend over and let him have his way with Fred. Fred agreed and did so. When they were finished he pulled his pants back up and stood.
"How old are you boy?" the man in green asked as he stood at the door.
"Thirty. Why?"
"You're thirty years old and you still believe in leprechauns?"

Once there was this guy, lets call him Fred, who had a very small penis. Poor Fred thought if only he had larger equipment then maybe the chicks would like him more.One day Fred went into the mens room and a very short man dressed in green was standing there peeing. Well, Fred couldn't help but notice what an enourmous penis the man had and he said as much. "How did it get so big?" he asked incredulously."With magic," the man replied, "I am a leprechaun."Fred was amazed. "Can you make mine that big?"The leprechaun could and said he would if Fred would only do him a small favor...to bend over and let him have his way with Fred. Fred agreed and did so. When they were finished he pulled his pants back up and stood. "How old are you boy?" the man in green asked as he stood at the door."Thirty. Why?""You're thirty years old and you still believe in leprechauns?"

Once there was this woman, who was, sad to say, very flat across
the upper body. Year after year of seeing beautiful, large-breasted
women walking away with handsome guys finally got to her. She decided
that she would have large tits at any cost.
At first she went to a breast treatment center and asked for larger
breasts. After several weeks, despite all the injections and fillers
they had given her, her breasts were no larger. She despaired. She
went everywhere, but everything she tried came to no avail.
So she went home and cried and prayed for larger tits. After
several days of this, during one praying session, there was this
sudden poof, and her fairy godmother appeared before her.
"Well, dearie, you want larger tits, do you?"
"Oh yes, oh yes, please fairy godmother, give me bigger tits. I
beg you," the woman implored.
"Okay, okay, calm down. I'll do it, if you promise to stop
bothering me. more...

As the teacher walked up to the blackboad, she noticed that someone had written the word 'penis' in very tiny letters. She turned around and scanned the room, hoping to find a guilty face. Finding none, she promptly erased the word and proceeded with her lesson.
The next day, when she entered the room, she saw the word 'penis' was again written on the board, this time in larger letters. Again she turned around, searching for the possible culprit, but found no one. Easing it from the board, she began the day's lesson.
Each morning, for about a week, she entered the classroom and found the same word written on the board and each time the letters were larger.
Finally, she walked in one day, fully expecting to find the same word on the board. Instead, she was greeted by a message that said, "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."

> MICROSOFT TV DINNER PRODUCT INSERT
>
> You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to
> accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give
> anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an
> infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others
> smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good
> > it is. If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the
> oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes:
> mstv. dinn.//08. 5min@50%heat//
>
> Then enter
ms//start. cook_dindin/yummy|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.
>
> If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven
> will set itself and cook the dinner.
>
> Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your
> oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the
> dinner
> from the oven and more...

Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why the
head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two
years
and cost over $180, 000. The results of the study concluded that the
head
of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with
more
pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own
study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the
US
study were incorrect. After three years of research and a cost in
excess
of $250, 000, they concluded thatthe head of a man's
penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more
pleasure during sex.

When the results of the German study were released, Poland decided to
conduct their own studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive
research and a cost of right around $75, the Polish study was complete.
The polish more...