Late Jokes / Recent Jokes

One afternoon, a woman was complaining to her new next-door neighbor that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.
"Take my advice," said the neighbor, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out:' Is that you, Jim?' And that cured him."
"Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how did that cure him?"
The neighbor said, "His name is Bill."

It is never too late to be what you might have been.

Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone. In a sleepy grumpy voice I said hello. The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing
breathlessly into a lengthy speech."Mom, this is Susan and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I'm going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad's car has a flat but it's not my fault. Honest! I don't
know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater. Please don't be mad, okay?"Since I don't have any daughters, I knew the person had dialed my number by mistake."I'm sorry dear," I replied, "but you've reached the wrong number. I don't have a daughter named Susan.""Gosh, Mom," the young woman's voice replied, "I didn't think you'd be *this* mad!"

Looking for a good place to party on Halloween? Check out these houses!
Bloomington, Indiana
Name: Indiana University
Location: unknown
This building, now used for administrative purposes, was once a stop on the "Underground Railroad". Today, there are many reports of African spiritual songs emanating from the basement.
Elletsville, Indiana
Name: Stepp Cemetery
Location: Morgan-Monroe forest
In this cemetery that is only accessible by foot, during midnight, an apparition of a lady appears on a rock that resembles a chair. On Halloween, many cult groups venture to this place to conduct ceremonies.
Evansville, Indiana
Name: The Gray Lady
Location: Willard Library - First Ave.
When this building was an abandoned train station, many drifters and hobos used it for shelter. During that time, a woman was murdered on the premises, and it is said that she still haunts the building. Her presence is most often felt in the children's more...

There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late.

One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late. "When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."

One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she's ever had, and goes to wash up.

His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.

"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.

"I was was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight,' cause my mother is sleeping in our more...

The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."
The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"
The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs."
The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with more...

Wee Hughie came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. " What's the story this time. Hughie? " he asked sarcastically. " Let's hear a good excuse for a change. " Wee Hughie sighed, " Everything went wrong this morning. The wife decided to drive me to the harbour. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the ferry didn't turn up. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river, ran over the mountain, borrowed a bicycle and cycled the 20 miles through the glen to this office. " You'll have to do better than that. Hughie, " said his boss, disappointed. " No woman can be ready in ten minutes."