Later Jokes / Recent Jokes

On the top of a tall building in a large city, there was a bar. In this bar, a man was drinking heavily. He would ask the bartender for a tequila shot, then walk out to the balcony and jump off. Minutes later he would appear in the elevator and repeat the whole process.
This one guy watched this happen a number of times until curiosity got the better of him.
Finally he went up to the man and asked, "Hey, you keep drinking, then jumping off the balcony. And yet, minutes later, you're back again. How do you do it?"
"Well," said the other man, "the shot of tequila provides buoyancy such that when I get near the ground, I slow down and land gently. It's lot of fun. You should try it."
The guy, who was also quite drunk, thought to himself, "Hey, why not?"
So he goes out to the balcony, jumps off, and seconds laterhe has splatted straight onto the ground, stone dead.
The bartender looks over to the other guy and says, more...

An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone. An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers. Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town. "I don`t mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers?" `Tis odd, isn`t it?" the man replies, "You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond." The bartender and the whole town was pleased with this answer, and soon the more...

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughters bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

"What are you doing?" She exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week, the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on a sofa with her vibrator.

"What are you doing?" He exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time coming from the den. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside more...

A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road damage directly across the street from a house of prostitution. They witnessed a Protestant minister lurking about, then duck into the house. "Would ye look at that, Darby!" said Pat. "What a shameful disgrace, those Protestant reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place!" They both shook their heads and continued working. A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one was looking. "Did ya see that, Darby?" Pat asked in shock and disbelief, "Is nothing holy to those Jewish rabbis? I just can`t understand what the world is coming to these days. A man of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the flesh. T`is a shame, I tell ya!" Not much later a third man, a Catholic priest, was seen lurking about the house, looking around to see if anyone was watching, then quietly sneaked in. "Oh no, Darby, more...

A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later.
The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and commanded him, "Tell me when you will die!"
The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him immediately, no matter what answer he gave. "I do not know when I will die," he answered finally. "I only know that when I die, you will die two days later."

One day a cat died of natural causes and went to heaven. There he met the Lord Himself. The Lord said to the cat, "You have lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable please let me know." The cat thought for a moment and said, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stopped the cat and said, "Say no more" and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appeared. A few days later six mice were killed in a tragic farming accident and went to heaven. Again there was the Lord to greet them with the same offer. The mice answered, "Lord, all of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. We are tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" Instantly the Lord fitted each mouse with a beautiful pair of roller skates. About a week later, the Lord stopped by to see the more...

One day, a space ship landed in a farmer's field and a Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife. As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple in his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so the Martians agreed.
Later that night, the Martian man explained how, on their planet, it was customary to swap partners as a token of friendship. The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, readily agreed.
The Martian then man took the farmer's wife into one bedroom while the farmer took the Martian woman into another. They had been having sex for about an hour when the Martian man asked the farmer's wife, "Well, how do you like having sex with a Martian? How does it feel?"
The farmer's wife replied "It needs to be a little bigger around." So the Martian man twisted his right ear and presto, his penis became bigger around.
About an hour later, the more...