Laundry Jokes / Recent Jokes

This week, I am at home and playing house husband. My wife left a list of things I need to do. This is so easy, I thought I would share it with you.

1. Make the beds. What a waste of effort, we're only going to sleep in them again tonight. Forget that. Scratch one.

2. Pick up dog poop in yard. It snowed last night, I don't see any dog poop, kids do you see any dog poop? Scratch two.

3. Drop your shirts off at the cleaners. Duh, I'm on vacation, I don't need them. Scratch three.

This is easy! What's the fuss? Think I'll go on AOL for awhile.

4. Clean out Tupperware cabinet. Uh, that's a hard one. Got it! Velcro on the door will keep them closed. Scratch four.

5. Mop kitchen floor. The dog licked up that sugar spill from breakfast, floor looks clean to me. Scratch five. Good doggie, go play in the yard. She just loves rolling in the snow.

6. Find something fun for the kids to do. That tinfoil in the microwave more...

Having a child of 5 is not a great thing for the parents because they cannot tell each other when they want to have sex out loud.
So this couple used secret meanings. They refer to sex as "doing laundry".
So one day, the father wants to have sex and says to the kid, "Tell mommy that I have some laundry for her to do." So the kid goes tell his mother, "Mommy, mommy, daddy says that he wants you to do his laundry."
The mother was quite busy at the time so she says to the kid, "Tell daddy that the washing machine is not working right now." So the kid go and tells the father that the machine is broken.
The father is really desperate and tells the kid, "Go and tell mommy that I really need her to do my laundry... ASAP." The kid goes tell the mother and the mother still say that she is busy.
After an hour or so, the mother is free and wants to relieve her husband. So she tells the kid, "Go tell daddy that I can more...

A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the localgrocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do." Nope, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog!""But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's verypowerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him." But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergentto the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer stilltried to talk him out of washing his dog. About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy somecandy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing." Oh, he died," the boy said sadly. The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he wassorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to usethat detergent on your dog!""Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the more...

WOMEN SPEAK IN ESTROGEN AND MEN LISTEN IN TESTOSTERONE by Matt Groening RELATIONSHIPS: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3: 00 a. m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, and 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need. SEX: Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay. MATURITY: Women mature much faster than men. Most more...

Washing The Dog
A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the local grocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent.
The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog!"
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said sadly.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your more...

Washing The DogA young boy, about eight years old, walks into the local grocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent.The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do."Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog!""But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing."Oh, he died," the boy said sadly.The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog!""Well," the boy replied, "I don't think more...

A tourist is walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, fascinated by all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. As he turns a corner, he catches sight of a building with a sign, 'Jerzy Dudek's Chinese Laundry'.
"Jerzy Dudek?" he thinks to himself. "How in the world does that fit in here?"
So, he enters the shop and sees an old Chinese man behind the counter. Approaching him, the tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like Jerzy Dudek's Chinese Laundry?"
"Is name of owner," answers the old man.
"Well, who and where is the owner?" asks the tourist.
"Me, is right here," replies the old man.
"You? How did you ever get a name like Jerzy Dudek?" the puzzled tourist asks.
"Is simple," the old man says. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front is Jewish gentleman from Poland. Lady look at him and go, more...